FACT: A lone-parent is a man or woman who is single, separated, divorced, … Lone-mothers make up 13% of Canadian families, while lone-fathers make up 3%. which means that the odds are pretty good that at least some of them are looking for love.
If dating as a single person can be a messy combination of fun and frustrating, dating as a single mom poses its own unique challenges. We asked some of our brutally honest single mom clients to tell us the truth about what they want prospective dates to know before they try to hook up with them. From rules about sleepovers, and meeting the kids, they didn’t hold anything back!
“Anyone who wants to date me needs to know that he is always going to be my second, maybe third, priority. My kids come first, and my job is a close second since I have to support my kids. I want to be in a relationship, but not if it messes things up for my kids.” —
“I don’t care how romantic our date was, you are NOT getting invited home. I don’t have sex with someone who I’m not married or engaged to under the same roof as my kid. Period. I don’t want her to be hearing or seeing anything she shouldn’t.” –-
“My kid is pretty great, but you don’t get to meet him unless you are around for the long haul. If you ask to meet him and I say ‘no’, that means I’m not sure about you yet.” —
“If you are the type to get jealous that I’m still friendly with an ex, don’t waste your time with me. My ex is my kid’s dad and we’ll always be in contact, so you had better be able to handle that.” —
“My last boyfriend complained that I wasn’t spontaneous enough. I have a 2-year-old! I can’t run off for a long weekend trip at the drop of a hat.”
“I think the biggest difference between dating before I had a kid and dating now is that I have no patience for drama or game playing. I used to spend months wondering if someone was right for me and playing all the games. Now I just don’t have the time or energy for that. It is either working or not. If it isn’t working, I’m quicker to pull the plug now than I was before.” —
“Believe it or not, I’m not looking for a father for my kid. I’m looking for a partner for me. If we work, then we can talk about whether you’ll be a part of my kid’s life. He has a dad and it isn’t you.” –
“A guy who is going to date a single mom can’t be needy. Don’t expect to always have me answer every call or text. I’m juggling tons of stuff and trying to date too. I’m doing the best I can.” –
“Please be all the way divorced or out of your prior relationship before you call me, especially if you also have kids. I don’t need drama! Dating with kids involved is hard enough without having fresh divorce issues to deal with.” —
“I have a two-strike rule for last-minute cancellations. Getting a babysitter is work and expensive! I can’t handle flakes at this stage of my life. I already have too many plates spinning.” —
“This should be obvious, but don’t date me if you don’t like kids. Ideally, if this goes well, you’d be in my kid’s life on some level, so even if you think I’m great, don’t ask me out if you aren’t okay with the thought of sharing your life with a kid someday.” –
Happy Mothers Day to all the Single Moms !
In some ways, we are all living Option B. No one’s life is perfect. The question is when things go wrong in your relationship then what? You freeze in horror like OMG. You go thru months of grief that follow like a building being torn down in a matter of minutes. Boom. Flattened. Then keep wishing you could go back to try to fix things but you do not have that option. Then you rally and realize you do have the option to kick ass with Option B. Besides when you find romantic happiness again , and you will, well more power to you!