Be Aware of Fantasy Relationships

Like all people, we are deserving of love and connection. Here are a couple things to keep in mind for anyone wanting to avoid  the so-called, real life  “Tinder Swindler” while navigating the world in today’s dating.

Experiences have taught me that practiced too early on (before trust and a foundation have been established), excessive written contact between a potential partner can fuel the engine of fantasy relationships.  We often fill in the missing spaces and unknowns with our own details. This can lead to feeling letdown when the in-person counterpart fails to match up to whatever idealized version our mind has concocted.  For instance, in writing and on the phone, maybe you bonded over what you thought was a shared passion for dogs.  But then, in person, it becomes apparent that their interest is only passing and half-hearted and that they only volunteered at a shelter once.

It’s human nature to be more likely to think the best about someone and mold them into who we want them to be rather than see them for who they really are.  Do yourself a favour and know that it’s basically a fantasy story that can only backfire for us down  the road.

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How NOT to Burn Out, DATING

 

Born and raised a Toronto girl with nothing more than passion, a computer, a love for the West Coast, and for the last 20 years I have remained insatiably curious about human connections.

 

What makes singles genuinely happy, successful, and fulfilled while searching for the one? It is possible to dream big without running yourself into the ground, while still remaining optimistic, open, and stress-free.

 

Here’s the good news; I’ve learned from personal experience (and by interviewing some great successful singles), that you can accomplish meeting the one—without burning out. As long as you cultivate the right habits and plan of action.

Everyone’s plan will look a little bit different, but there are some things that should definitely be included;

  1. First and foremost, if you are serious (or even potentially serious) about finding the one is to have a clear head and an open heart.
  2. I will not rush it. It is so important to take your time in letting a connection develop and so worth it in the end. Taking things slowly can not only help you avoid mistakes, but it can also vastly improve your dating skills. There is no substitute for short-cuts.
  3. Seek wise counsel. Even if you are approaching dating with an open heart and committed to taking things slowly, you need to hear from people who know you well and who don’t get goosebumps when they hold your dates hand.

 

Well, there you have it; however, this is by no means an exhaustive list.  If you’d like to find a mentor to talk to about these kinds of things and don’t have one, consider reaching out to me. It would be my honor to support you and cheer you on.

 

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Modern Love

 

We have found that it is UNLIKELY that two people would get together to date in today’s world if they had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common.

In fact, the relationship goals of most of the singles, looking for relationships that we meet, are quite different than those of the past. Although it’s known that skiing, biking, and hiking use to top the list;  now different values and the extremely tough challenges that we have all experienced over the past couple years has become the priority.

One challenge in particular is that singles live in a world where independence and individuality are valued higher than they used to be, which means that sometimes relationships and family become a “back burner” priority.  But it’s never too late to make your relationship a priority.

Here are a few qualities successful singles have in common.

  • Love Unconditionally – always consider your partners feelings, don’t think you can change them, communicate your hopes and dreams with each other.
  • Trust One Another– often there are parts of one’s lives that are separate from each other, avoid trying to control, if jealousy comes up talk about it, and be open and honest about it.
  • They have Things in Common – its important to share taste in movies, music, food, shared values, intellectual interests and/or political views. This way there are at least a few things you enjoy doing together and you always have something to talk about.

 

While it is possible to build a relationship with someone you have a little in common with, too. Over time, chances are you’ll discover, learn , and try more things that you can both enjoy and share together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The February that changed my career—and life.

Most singles love January – they think it’s a time for a new beginning, and to refresh and reset their love lives. Yet, some people like May, when the first signs of summer start and everything feels easy again.

For Matchmakers its February.  It’s always been a fabulous month for us and the month where singles make new things happen.  As a Matchmaker , I’ve been writing blogs about how January is a great time to assess your situation, review you love plans, and kick start the year dating in a positive way.  But for those of you who know me you’ll know that I’m also very firm about one thing: If you don’t get to something in January, that’s no reason to give up.  That’s why I look at January as a warmup and February as the time to truly make things happen.

On a personal note, February has been something of a lucky month for me–20 years ago, in February 2002, I was on a flight from Toronto to Vancouver. Making a big, life-changing decision to leave my corporate job,  picked up my life and moved across the country to start a business in Matchmaking. I was ready to move on and move forward.  I couldn’t wait to hop off the plane and start strategizing.

Fast forward to February 2022, my mission hasn’t changed-  knowing everyone wants love but not everyone can easily find it.  That mission has gotten me out of bed for the last 20 years.

I truly believe, when you are clear about what you want and why you want it, it becomes much easier to keep going and to stay focused, even if it’s taking longer than expected.

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