What a Single Dad wants Women to Know about Dating Him

Yes, he’s a divorced Dad , 41 , with two sons.

He was that guy that was on dating sites, afraid to mention his kids in his profile because no one would wink at him, and always felt awful about it.  He adores his kids but dreaded the moments that he dropped that bomb on the women he was chatting with.  He’s also that Dad in Target, in the sports section with his sons, and when he sees a gal walk by with a smile and while he smiles back wondering if it’s him or his son she sees.  Hopefully its both of them; I mean they are a package deal.  He finds his anxiety keeps him from making such attempts, albiet wants to, and regrets it as they leave the store. 

For him he feels his reality is likely that she wouldn’t want him or understand the wonderfully unique adventure that is his everyday life.  He’s a single Dad, so he must have drama; at least that is what he is telling himself.  But the truth is the single Dads we work with are some of the most loving, compassionate and fun guys to date and they have no energy for drama! They aren’t there to waste your time….remember that every moment they spend with you is time away from their children and we all know how 5-month-olds become 5-year-olds in the blink of an eye.

Here’s a couple reasons why;

  • They aren’t needy; they get all the love and affection they can from their kids.  They can offer you those things because they understand their importance and they don’t fear vulnerability, emotional connection and romance.   And when they get to see you finally, he has so much to give.
  • The stigma that comes with baggage should-be pushed aside.  His baggage isn’t baggage, but the badge of a man who has been there and done that. A man who doesn’t run from responsibility, and isn’t afraid of the words “love, marriage and family.”
  • His badge is of a man who has kissed many boo boos, built pillow forts, is a constant role model to his kids knowing that life is filled with endless possibilities and that real love does exist! He is ready to meet a beautiful person and a good influence on his kids to build his life with.

Take a chance on a divorced Dad, and allow him to show you what makes him so special.  Allow him to show you the man his kids love.  In a dating universe full of guys who may be up to no good, they are the ones who want more than a one-night stand. 

If you are single, in your thirties and looking for a great guy with kids, contact me [email protected] for a chance to meet him.

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4 Things Everyone should know about LOVE

For a lot of people, finding love is a exasperating, elusive process.  For us Matchmakers, its just another day in the office.  Here’s some of the most important things we’ve learned about finding love and making it last;

  • A question that most people unintentionally ignore is: Do I personally live up to the expectations that I have for someone else? And often the answer is no.  It is easy to come up with a list of ‘must-haves’ in a partner, but it is a lot harder to turn that list around and judge yourself. If you are not passionate about your life, how are you going to attract someone who is? If you are not living your life true to your values, how are you going to attract someone who does?
  • When a client tells us his or her physical ‘musts,’ we like to use the analogy of friends.  Think about your three closest friends. They probably all look extremely different, but they all have qualities in common that you choose to surround yourself with — humor, intellect, empathy, altruism, honesty — whatever it is that you enjoy. When you’re searching for a romantic partner, think about searching for those qualities you enjoy — not just blonde hair or guys taller than 6 feet. Look at a person’s soul. If you like it, hold onto it.
  • We have an idea of the right age and time to get married.  However just because you have been dating someone for a few years, and you are 31 years old, does not mean that you need to get married.  Trust your gut.  If you are not ready to get married, don’t.  We meet people every day who have gone through nasty divorces, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right.
  • The hardest part of dating, by far, is finding the someone you truly connect with.  So if you do find that kind of person, don’t let him or her go -be loving enough to work on a solution- even when the going gets rough. 
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6 Heartfelt Facts to Date a Single Mom

If you’re currently looking for love and not including Single Moms in your search, you need to read on. You’re not likely to stumble upon a more selfless or loving woman than one who has raised her kids on her own (or mostly on her own). But hey, don’t take it from us, take it from the gals themselves. Here’s a few quotes from what our single mom clients had to say, about their best reasons why you should date them!

  • She moves slowly into dating and relationships.

“I got a lot on my plate, and definitely not sitting around swiping left and right on Tinder. Nor do I have a desperation to rush into things, the most important persons are my kids” That means you may have to take things slow with any gal you date who has kids — but that’s a good thing.

  • It’s not all about her.

“My kids have a wonderful way of putting things into perspective.  If I am going to be the best mom I can be, it isn’t about me” Who wouldn’t appreciate a gal who has learned to be selfless to a fault?!!

  • She’s Responsible.

“I’m fully plugged into my kids’ lives, I accept the obligations and I don’t bad-mouth their dad” That gal will probably be the best woman you’ll ever meet!

  • She’s Sensitive.

“I’ve got little boys and have spent afternoons at the ball park- sure takes a lot of strength to be tough” If you’re the hand-holding type, you’re definitely in luck, she’s more comfortable with physical touch, who wouldn’t be ok with that!!!!.

  • She’s playing for keeps.

“The last thing I want to do is introduce someone to my kids, only to have that person disappear down the road”   She’s not looking to just hook up, and when you think about it, that’s about as good as dating ever gets!

  •  She is Versatile. 

“Being a single, working mum means I wear many hats. I am nimble. One minute I am the sexy business professional and the other, the girl next door with her kids at the sports park” 

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Indifference makes the difference with Dating & Wanting Kids

Whether you are interested or not, Royal Baby madness has gripped which brings up a good question for singles; are you indifferent to having kids?   A common answer from a lot of clients when I ask them if they want children is  “I’m not against kids, I am indifferent.  If my future partner wants kids then I would love to have them.”

For some, it can be a hard time understanding this as having kids is a life-changing event; or the ones stating it , they are just not sure.  Of course no one owes anyone an explanation, but when you are dating it can feel like a big deal.   There are all sorts of reasons why someone, when on a date, admits to being undecided/open as it creates confusion, but when I ask,  the common reason I see most is more the feeling of being rushed or the clock is ticking from someone and that their answer “can go either way” means more….. “NOT RIGHT NOW”.

There are motivations for this ranging from preferring their current lifestyles to prioritizing their careers, and for some it’s a pipe dream, tremendous investment, and that they are not meant to do the parenting thing on their own and want to make sure they have help from a wider village. 

As with all dating deal-breakers, there is no benefit before going further into the dating world with a major issue already in place.  And it can make all the difference when one rarely mentions it and the others position is inflexible.  Its better off  if you are looking for someone you can be with long term, for everyone,  if you’re up front. Kids are a deal-breaker because you can’t have half a kid!

Leave a comment;

#royalbaby

#MOTHERSDAY

#DATING

#RELATIONSHIPS

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Dear Future, 60-something Co-Pilot !

“I’m not sure yet sure whether you exist, though I believe that you do and I am not too concerned with minor details about what you’ll look like, how tall you’ll be or what type of car you’ll drive.  However if you happen to be looking for someone who loves hiking, fishing, cooking at home with old friends and love spending time with each other at your place and vice versa; we might have a few things in common.  I love living a balanced healthy lifestyle, radiate a fun demeanor with romantic playfulness and optimism.  Travel is a big part of my life and I spend most of my time retired living and playing in Victoria, Vancouver Island and Costa Rica.  

Yes, Future Co-Pilot, you are an intelligent, independent, physically fit, affectionate, family orientated, inquisitive gentleman 60+ and I can hardly wait to meet you.”

If you are looking to meet a great woman to add to your already full life living in the Victoria, Nanaimo, Parksville, Qualicum Bay, Comox Valley regions and would like to learn more, don’t make her wait.  Drop me an email at [email protected] along with a recent photo (and I will send you hers) and we can begin the conversation.

FEES PAID FOR BY THIS CLIENT

As seen in the Parksville/Qualicum Beach News – Thursday May 2, 2019

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Are we too old for Boyfriend’s in our 60’s ?


Years ago, most widows, after the death of their husband or a divorcée from a decades long marriage, didn’t remarry or even date again. Now, most want a new next chapter that includes life with a new romantic partner- which begs a common question to those now sharing life’s adventures, how do you introduce him to others?   

I have asked several of my re-partnered clients what they call the new man in their lives and was amazed at the dozens of terms they offered.  Not surprisingly most felt “boyfriend” sounded immature, “significant other” seemed too formal and “companion” more like an ideal dinner date.  So I’ve summarized their alternative suggestions along with a few others I found online.  Some are hilarious, a few are moot and others are downright descriptive;

  • Guy Friend, Bedfellow (is it a potential partner or simply a guy…. friend?)
  • Partner in Crime  (maybe good if you are outlaws on the run)
  • Soulmate (implies forever, which is a rather impossible length of time to grasp)
  • Best Buddy, Better Half (some may argue it’s better not to be best friends with your partner)
  • Undocumented husband, UPIARR -unmarried party in a romantic relationship, UPLIS -unmarried person living in sin (its more likely used to prevent deportation)

So what do I suggest you introduce the man you are sharing your life with ?  Just use his name simply saying  “I want you to meet James”.  Others will readily see that you’re together on more than a casual date.  You can also add, “We’re great partners”, if you think a bit more information would be helpful.

How do you feel about the word “boyfriend”? If you don’t use this term, how do you refer to your partner?  Please share your thoughts below!

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First Dates- They can’t all Lead to Love

Even if you’re pretty sure you’re hitting it off with someone, the signs of a good first date aren’t always easy to recognize,  but it’s a safe bet if you both add extra time to your parking meter 😊

While most people probably define a “good date” as one that leads to more dates down the line, that’s not the only or best way to look at it.  What we like to tell our clients is that it’s totally ok if it doesn’t lead to a second.  Don’t get me wrong it can be disappointing if a first date doesn’t turn into a second, but having a good first date is a self-confidence booster.  It can remind you that it’s fine to go out and have fun with someone interesting, rather than staying home staring at your phone.  They can’t all lead to love, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be good fun!

If you are finding more often than not, a date with the same person doesn’t go past one or two dates, it’s time to manage your expectations and cast a wider net.  Here are some tips to having more fun on first dates;

  1. Instead of auditioning to be partner material, you should just go, have fun and bring the best and happiest version of you to the table.
  2. Don’t take anything personally, and  you shouldn’t let one bad date sour your views towards dating.
  3. Don’t get trapped in the job interview date, they are awkward and high stress.
  4. Try to plan a date that is active in some way – good dates are always interactive.
  5. Take comfort in the idea that everyone is uncomfortable, and that is a learning experience. The more you grow, the better a dater you will be. The better a dater you are, the better the fit will be when you do land the relationship.

Me? I’m an optimist- from the unique moments of my clients connecting.

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How to Overcome Singledom Birthday Stress

I am about to celebrate a birthday.  Which one, I won’t tell but I don’t feel any older, other than just another day where I have to remember to change the digit when people ask how old I am .  But enough about MY birthday!

Birthdays are like your own personal national holiday; the one day a year when you’ve gathered the most important people in your life and they celebrate in your honor, make you feel like royalty, and pretty much let you do whatever you want.   Or at the very least, give you a cake and if you are single they say “you know, you’re not getting any younger with indecision, another year”.  

So if you think that spending your birthday single is terrifying, here’s a few reasons exactly why you have to do it;

  1. You don’t have to stress about planning anything big.
  2. You’re free to do litterly anything you want.
  3. You don’t have to keep anyone waiting; take as little or as long as you like doing the things you enjoy.
  4. And lastly, being alone leaves you with no option other than to be brave; it will remind you of how naturally it is to be social (no social media) and talk to more people and you never know who you might meet that will turn your birthday from a single status to taken.    

Trust me , you will find that this isn’t difficult at all!  What would be difficult is if your birthday is on February 14th ( Valentine’s Day).  If you’re a woman, you’ve officially set yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment –now every guy you date will have to do something special, squared.  If you’re a guy, you now have to spend your birthday making somebody else feel special, because Hallmark said so.  

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Put Winter to Bed – Reset your Love Life!

While the stars are in your favor, the Spring Equinox is the perfect time to shake things up a little – rejuvenate stale relationships, get your love life together, and go on a new dating adventure.

So, make the most of the Spring Equinox with a few tips of inspiration for a new romantic pursuit ;

  • Make it happen!  If you haven’t been on a date in a while , set one up.   If you’ve been feeling discouraged with your dating life, your time off from the dating scene will allow you to jump back in with a new excitement and optimism.
  • Do a different kind of date night. Step outside the regular routine of dinner or bars, and try something totally different.
  • Tell your crush that you like them…. I know this can sometimes feel like the scariest thing in the world – instead of being scared of your fears remember the best-case scenario can happen, too.

In short, take full advantage of the Spring Equinox and remember to give yourself realistic timelines and goals and the time to enjoy it is now.

Bring. It. On!  

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The Pros and Cons of First Dates

Are they a good time for you?  If you think about it, the First First date was Adam and Eve.  They settled on apple picking as an activity, had a serpent as a chaperone and the rest is history. 

Today the all-important first date isn’t easy for most.  Between the pressure of who’s going to pay, how to keep the conversation going and how might it end,  there are so many moving pieces which for some can make it a less than appealing way to spend an evening.  And yet traditional dates are held up as a romantic ideal, and a must do if you want to meet someone.

Here are some ways our idea of a “date” has dramatically varied over the years;

Pre-19th century: Who needs dating when your matchmaking parents can set you up?

Early 1900s: A date involves a “gentleman caller” and is definitely chaperoned

1920s: Dating is about going out and playing the field.

1940s and 1950s: Dating is about procuring a husband ASAP.

1960s and 1970s: A date is really about sex.

1990s: Dating isn’t actually dating, it’s “hooking up.”

So, what does this mean for the picture-perfect first date today? Given how fast things change (it was only a few years ago swiping right wasn’t a term we even knew), trying to get a “first date” right isn’t worth getting stressed over.  

For our clients formal dates do still happen, but there’s a ton of in between that comes from us that by the time the “first date” happens you’ve already gotten to know so much about the other person that the initial first face-to-face is exceedingly casual or already has an air or familiarity.

Fact;   48% of all singles are using Facebook to do their own adept stalking before a date — WE actually have the first date by meeting them.

 Now, it’s all up to you.

contact me at [email protected]

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