The Pros and Cons of First Dates

Are they a good time for you?  If you think about it, the First First date was Adam and Eve.  They settled on apple picking as an activity, had a serpent as a chaperone and the rest is history. 

Today the all-important first date isn’t easy for most.  Between the pressure of who’s going to pay, how to keep the conversation going and how might it end,  there are so many moving pieces which for some can make it a less than appealing way to spend an evening.  And yet traditional dates are held up as a romantic ideal, and a must do if you want to meet someone.

Here are some ways our idea of a “date” has dramatically varied over the years;

Pre-19th century: Who needs dating when your matchmaking parents can set you up?

Early 1900s: A date involves a “gentleman caller” and is definitely chaperoned

1920s: Dating is about going out and playing the field.

1940s and 1950s: Dating is about procuring a husband ASAP.

1960s and 1970s: A date is really about sex.

1990s: Dating isn’t actually dating, it’s “hooking up.”

So, what does this mean for the picture-perfect first date today? Given how fast things change (it was only a few years ago swiping right wasn’t a term we even knew), trying to get a “first date” right isn’t worth getting stressed over.  

For our clients formal dates do still happen, but there’s a ton of in between that comes from us that by the time the “first date” happens you’ve already gotten to know so much about the other person that the initial first face-to-face is exceedingly casual or already has an air or familiarity.

Fact;   48% of all singles are using Facebook to do their own adept stalking before a date — WE actually have the first date by meeting them.

 Now, it’s all up to you.

contact me at [email protected]

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Everybody gets lonely, period!

When I think of Valentine’s Day, (a day for love and togetherness if you are in love), I can’t help but think at the same time that it can be a very trying time for those of us who are Solohood and hate the pressure of Valentine’s Day but love the thought of romance.  

There is widespread assumption that single people are lonely, but it turns out anyone can be lonely, and anyone that is alone , isn’t necessarily  lonely. According to recent studies over half of the population (54% being single) now say they always or sometimes feel alone, and one in five say they rarely feel close to anyone.  So based on this, to be lonely you don’t have to be alone – it’s about the quality of your connections with people, and whether they genuinely relate to you.  

Shockingly, most clients we speak to say that the loneliest they have felt is when they were with someone, but were still lonely.  The UK government has actually developed a Minister for Loneliness , whose purpose is trying to figure out why Brits are lonely and what interventions can smooth that out…….sounds like a lonely job to me! 

Studies also say that the ever-present online activity, single or not, is the main reason why most people feel lonely.  If you’re single,  the more time (can be years for some) you spend swiping left or right, is counterproductive in the dating world. 

Sure, we need vitamins, clean air and connection for our personal well being.  However, if you are Single, take some time to notice how much you need actual connection!  You might find you are not lonely, you’re just alone.

Happy to chat !

Happy to chat !

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It’s, wait what, one month till Valentines Day?

With February 14th right around the corner, get ready for it, you’re about to see heart-shaped balloons and over-sized stuffed animals everywhere….you can just feel the love in the air.  And believe it or not, both guys and gals, are about to  press the panic button on single life , which really doesn’t make any sense to me. 

If you actually take the time to look around , you’ll notice there are a lot more single people walking the streets by themselves than couples holding hands.  And just because you’re single on Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean you’ll be single forever. 

Dating – as I am so often reminding people – is a skill.  It’s something that you can take control of and improve with conscious effort ……..along with a little help. Part of the point of working with a Matchmaker is to give you highly-specific, personalized advice to make successful dating a reality.  I guarantee if you have the right mindset, play your cards right, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be able to meet someone before February 14th. 

Your thoughts?

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How to set a Personal Budget for Dating in 2019

We budget everything in our lives — food,entertainment, travel, and so on.  One thing we don’t tend to think about in terms of savings though, is dating.  When we take somebody out for a night on the town, we tend to want to go all out.  This is especially true if you’ve just met someone and are actively trying to impress them.  After all, if you took someone out on a first date that consisted of McDonald’s paid with a coupon,followed by a Netflix movie at your buddy’s place, are the chances good for a second date?  Maybe not.

However, that doesn’t mean you should spend tons and tons on the dating scene either. If you do, then all your careful budgeting elsewhere goes to waste. Instead, set a monthly budget for dating. Depending on your earnings, this budget can be high or low, though it should realistically never exceed 10% of your monthly income. Stick to this number while still finding ways to have fun, and you’ll earn a reputation for being a fiscally conservative dating machine.

A recent survey has revealed that, in fact, an average date night in Canada clocks in at $125, with those in Vancouver paying the most of all ($149). Globally, however, a date night in Canada is still cheaper than the same date in several other major global cities.

  • Vancouver is the most expensive city in Canada to date in with an average dating costing $149
  • Winnipeg is the country’s cheapest city for a date with a night out setting you back $116
  • Canadian couples are paying $5 more than their global counterparts for a date.
  • The average Canadian date costs $125 while the worldwide average date is $120
  • Toronto is now the 9th most expensive city in the world to date in – shooting up two places in since 2017
  • Oslo is the world’s most expensive city, with $221 needed to cover a night out
  • Istanbul is the world’s cheapest city for a date at just $40 is needed for a romantic night out

In the end , quality over quantity when it comes to dating……and we can help with that!

Contact [email protected]

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5 Reasons Daddy Christmas Should be your Next Boyfriend

As you might have heard, your main man Santa is back and on the market.  Here are a couple of the many reasons he’s actually a total catch. 

  1. He has the best beard of any man you will ever meet
  2. He’s really buff under all that velour
  3. He’ll never forget to get you presents and knows exactly what you want
  4. He’s great with animals, especially moody reindeer
  5. His ride is a flying magical sleigh

Signed;   Private Matchmaker for Santa

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Give real gifts of love this Christmas

For those of us less fortunate enough not to be in a relationship, the coming of Christmas can present a challenge.   Let’s be honest; whether you care about your single status or not listening to relatives probing about our dating life can be draining, as can finding a home for the mountain of small amusing gifts coming your way.  For example, being in receipt of wall art or badass affirmations books and you immediately file it under a mental tab marked: Single at Christmas, again – sorted.

But there is a solution; And it’s simple –Give a gift of something to someone who needs it– Choose Love.

So, don’t shut out the idea of helping someone find love –give them a real present of love. This week, we have had several calls from people who realize that waiting patiently to let love find you does not have to be the case and this Christmas we are helping caring friends and family buy loved ones appropriate and indulgent matchmaking membership gifts, the thing that someone single actually needs; to go from single to taken!

Presents for single people truly in need; a solution to your Christmas shopping- It’s what we do.

Since you’re here, give us a call to find out more!  [email protected]

love ball and buttons  https://bigloveball.com/

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The new “It Breakup”

We are in that small window of opportunity where it’s still semi-acceptable to break up with someone before we get into the Holidays, but the window is quickly closing. You don’t want to be that person breaking up with someone before Christmas. Before you read this, I want you to think about the last time you were dumped or broke up with someone. I feel like 9 out of 10 times; there are some pretty visible signs that a split is coming. Maybe we see them and choose to ignore them, or perhaps we’re oblivious.

I found many articles on the signs your partner is about to leave you, but I think that there are a lot two pretty definitive ones. For most when they are about to end a relationship, they start changing or improving their physical appearance, or posts start disappearing like a bad habit on their social media accounts.

Dah!  You should have seen that last break up coming a mile away. And if you’re in a relationship and you’re suddenly doing these things, perhaps it’s time to take a long, hard look at if this relationship is working for you. If you’re the one planning to do the dumping and you’re struggling with how to do it, you can always do it with ice cream. According to Vancouver based Nora’s Non-Dairy, “It’s a sweet but savage way to drop someone!”

Thank you, next……….

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HALLOWEEN; The Real Holiday of LOVE

 

Surprisingly forget Valentine’s Day, Halloween is the real festival of LOVE and according to psychologists they say that more people will hook up this weekend than on February 14th.

Why? Its all down to the science of fear and there is fairly good evidence that feeling afraid can trigger the same emotions as sexual arousal.   It’s a good idea to take a date to a horror movie as its acceptable to snuggle into a prospective partner shielding your eyes and that feeling afraid heightens the senses and increases attractiveness and attraction.  No wonder so many holidaymakers fall for their ski-instructors or mountain guides as its impossible to separate feelings of sexual attraction from feelings of fear. A hunky Whistler snow moose ready to help you down that scary black run, will make it so much the better.

I’m always telling my clients its important to do something that scares you every day to grow and feel fulfilled especially when it comes to dating. But this—well it’s likely to help your love life too.

 

 

 

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Weed is a Dating Deal breaker!

Today, the 1st day that POT is legal in Canada, we wanted to share how serious of a deal breaker it can be when it comes to your love life.  Our data, we’ve been asking our clients for years now proves it and no, we’re not high (right now).

First things first; we discovered when it comes to dating -people are okay with their partners smoking weed…if they’re not currently using it. The most popular response was preferring their partners to have experienced the ~crazy effects~ of weed in the past, but not currently partaking.  We’ve learned a lot. And we’re continuing to learn more — about you, that is. So today, we’ve added some new pointy questions to our interview process. A few examples:

 

  • Are you 420 friendly? Medical vs casual recreational
  • Do you ever use marijuana to get ‘high’ as the equivalent to getting ‘drunk’?
  • Is smoking marijuana a fun first date?

 

I’m like the most of us, not criticizing, judging or asking to dispute it, we are just trying to imagine just how this will all play out for our clients and their criteria when it comes to matching them.

 

CONCLUSION; Weed has more to do with your love life than you think.

 

Your thoughts?

 

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Dating; Step Outside the “Border”

We have all heard the stories.  First dates costing more than $2000 after spending months of online back and forth messaging, hours of late-night phone calls, and then finally booking a flight and deciding to meet.  Such long-distance romances use to grow out of fateful encounters on holidays, or perhaps far-flung business meetings but today a growing number of cross-border courtships, some owed to an instant message across time zones, is becoming not about what to wear on your date— it’s what to pack!

Statistics show that 52% of Canadian on-line daters have e-mailed someone out of country in the past 30 days.  I have also seen a spike in Matchmaking clients open to long-distance dating; after starting out searching within five miles of their postal code and as they get more comfortable they stop limiting themselves so much and more open to step outside the “border”.

This city’s only so big, and when the girl next door is no longer next door, its nice to open up the possibilities for my clients by working with other accredited “Cupids” from other cities.  This summer I’ve relied on connections with fellow cupids from Seattle, San Fran, San Diego, New York, London UK and of course continue working with my fellow Canadian ones all the way east to Toronto with some great success.

That’s certainly the case for our affiliate Matchmaker friend Ali Migliore of Simply Matchmaking in Seattle.  “There is definitely an infinite number of single people here open to dates from other cities and this summer, I knew I had to connect with Jane about an amazing client I had in Seattle who was open to expanding her search to the Vancouver area.  By us both knowing our clients so well, we were able to come up with a great match and our clients met and both said it was the best match yet! Looking forward to dozens of more potential romances happening with the help of our cross-border cupids at Matchmaker for Hire.”

Of course, expectations are always heightened when a plane fare is actually involved and its easy to feel cheated if the romance doesn’t work out (this kind of dating isn’t for the faint of wallet) – plus there’s added pressure if it does.  But for some, however the distance is a bonus and that not being around someone all the time can be ok if you are just as busy as they are.

So, if your tolerance to being uprooted is increased, let your Matchmaker know.

 

Jane Carstens –Matchmaker for Hire- Western Cda                   

 Ali Migliore – Simply Matchmaking – Seattle

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