Dating a Single Mom

 

 

 

 

FACT: A lone-parent is a man or woman who is single, separated, divorced, … Lone-mothers make up 13% of Canadian families, while lone-fathers make up 3%. which means that the odds are pretty good that at least some of them are looking for love.

If dating as a single person can be a messy combination of fun and frustrating, dating as a single mom poses its own unique challenges. We asked some of our brutally honest single mom clients to tell us the truth about what they want prospective dates to know before they try to hook up with them. From rules about sleepovers, and meeting the kids, they didn’t hold anything back!

“Anyone who wants to date me needs to know that he is always going to be my second, maybe third, priority. My kids come first, and my job is a close second since I have to support my kids. I want to be in a relationship, but not if it messes things up for my kids.” —

“I don’t care how romantic our date was, you are NOT getting invited home. I don’t have sex with someone who I’m not married or engaged to under the same roof as my kid. Period. I don’t want her to be hearing or seeing anything she shouldn’t.” –-

“My kid is pretty great, but you don’t get to meet him unless you are around for the long haul. If you ask to meet him and I say ‘no’, that means I’m not sure about you yet.” —

“If you are the type to get jealous that I’m still friendly with an ex, don’t waste your time with me. My ex is my kid’s dad and we’ll always be in contact, so you had better be able to handle that.” —

“My last boyfriend complained that I wasn’t spontaneous enough.  I have a 2-year-old! I can’t run off for a long weekend trip at the drop of a hat.”

“I think the biggest difference between dating before I had a kid and dating now is that I have no patience for drama or game playing. I used to spend months wondering if someone was right for me and playing all the games. Now I just don’t have the time or energy for that. It is either working or not. If it isn’t working, I’m quicker to pull the plug now than I was before.” —

“Believe it or not, I’m not looking for a father for my kid. I’m looking for a partner for me. If we work, then we can talk about whether you’ll be a part of my kid’s life. He has a dad and it isn’t you.” –

“A guy who is going to date a single mom can’t be needy. Don’t expect to always have me answer every call or text. I’m juggling tons of stuff and trying to date too. I’m doing the best I can.” –

“Please be all the way divorced or out of your prior relationship before you call me, especially if you also have kids. I don’t need drama! Dating with kids involved is hard enough without having fresh divorce issues to deal with.” —

“I have a two-strike rule for last-minute cancellations. Getting a babysitter is work and expensive! I can’t handle flakes at this stage of my life. I already have too many plates spinning.” —

“This should be obvious, but don’t date me if you don’t like kids. Ideally, if this goes well, you’d be in my kid’s life on some level, so even if you think I’m great, don’t ask me out if you aren’t okay with the thought of sharing your life with a kid someday.” –

 

Happy Mothers Day to all the Single Moms !

 

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Are you Dating, Option B?

In some ways, we are all living Option B.   No one’s life is perfect. The question is when things go wrong in your relationship then what?  You freeze in horror like OMG. You go thru months of grief that follow like a building being torn down in a matter of minutes. Boom. Flattened.  Then keep wishing you could go back to try to fix things but you do not have that option.  Then you rally and realize you do have the option to kick ass with Option B.  Besides when you find romantic happiness again , and you will, well more power to you! 

I feel it everyday. Everyday we help singles who are struggling to rebuild their dating lives.  Its is our attempt to share what we’ve learned over the last 16 years of matchmaking and help our clients make the most of Option B, embrace it, find happiness and start dating again.   

 

“If you’re going through hell, keep going” – Winston Churchill  

 

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Asking for Phone Numbers is Over…?!

Social media has changed peoples lives in the ways in which people ask each other out.  Apparently, asking for a phone number is over.  Why? Because people ask for social media info instead!

Even so, recent studies claim the phone call is more intimate than friending someone on Facebook, nobody makes phone calls you just get their phone number to text them, seems to be the new 1st base for singles!  That’s a whole other story! Take note, once you send a text or a photo, it’s sent and forever tied to your digits. Hold that thought, there are other options, check out our friends at “QTeeApp”   http://www.qteeapp.com/   (watch for next blog post).

So, here’s what I have found; there’s a problem when you start digging into others social media and you immediately learn too much about someone and it’s an early turnoff overlooking a chance to get a vibe with you before you dig in too much.  Many singles have shared their online dating stories with me and some say they keep like a dossier on people and then they immediately decide if that person is not for them.  I find that just wrong!  Remember social media representation of the people putting themselves out there, really isn’t an accurate representation of who they are.  Sometimes you build a sense of that person, when you haven’t had a conversation with them, haven’t met them in person, and there is no sense of who that person is and you’ve written them off, without giving them a chance.

Take into account that most people have an idealized life that they post and people don’t put their real lives online, so I am a firm believer you need to see someone, smell them, need to know them; that’s part of what you learn about somebody!  Living proof, The Waiter Rule; You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats the waiter and being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette.  You may save yourself a lot of future problems by more “dining out” first dates.

I always encouraged my clients when I send them a profile match that you can’t speed up the process of getting to know that person on paper, you have to do it in person (unless you’re really not looking to hook up) and the reality is you can’t rush it, you have to take the time.

So, still thinking of going ONLINE “Communicating for FREE this Easter weekend and see where it takes you – it’s an Easter weekend of opportunity!” …….. Or is it…….!!!

What do you think?

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Date someone who dislikes the same stuff?


Haters going to Hate; Anytime I tell someone I am a Matchmaker they immediately rattle off what they hate about dating!  I am no physiologist but I do know after 16 years of matching hooking up singles, everyone likes to complain.  Its not just Politics, bad Wi-Fi, people who celebrate their birthdays for entire week (unless its me), or for some, the Easter Bunny; it can be pretty unpopular.

Well there seems to be a lot to dislike, but then again, dislikes may be the first step to lasting love.  Studies have shown that people seem to come together around things they dislike.  It surprisingly brings people together.  While many other areas of compatibility come into play, its hard for me to relate that dislikes can be relied on for main criteria around connecting people. I match singles based on more in-depth compatibility profiling and is not just based on a simple check list of likes and dislikes.

So, can’t stand the Easter Bunny?  It’s that time of year that we all remember the horrible time your parents dragged you to the mall to sit on the lap of a creepy Easter Bunny. Chances are you remember, because you can never forget it! If you want to avoid that rabbits sugary dark side or head into Spring looking like an Easter egg, find someone similar that does not “do” the Easter bunny, right?

 

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She’s Perfect….Anyway!

Yes , you are reading this right—- her little black dress is next to her workout gear and her high heels are next to her hiking boots.  You just need to contact me [email protected]  to find out more to meet this great woman.

As see in today’s Vancouver Sun.  (all fees paid for by this client)

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Birthday Dating

Birthdays! We all have them, most are hopefully happy- though some not, and we all enjoy celebrating birthdays with friends and family (mostly).

I recently celebrated a birthday.  Which one, I won’t tell, but it was a birthday! I don’t feel any older, but now its just another day where I have to remember to change the digit in my response when people ask how old I am.  But enough about my birthday…..it’s okay you didn’t send gifts. I’m over it Really! 🙂

So, what happens when you have a birthday during a date? Or someone has a birthday during the period of time you had just started dating?  Hmm…awkward…to celebrate such a personal occasion with someone you hardly know and it can seem more like walking up to some random friend-of-a-friend from Facebook and try to be part of their birthday party.

While it may seem like a strange question for some, it has happened several times for many with differing results.  Firstly, should you acknowledge the occurrence at all? If you didn’t have a clue and only found out that saves you from this quandary.  But if you DO know about your date’s birthday it would be a bit impolite not to recognize the occasion at all.

When in doubt, its invaluable to check. Most online profiles these days have birthdays’ there for anyone to see or you can flash you licence and obnoxiously point out your date of birth or better yet,  your date could have also mentioned the fact of their approaching birthday in passing. But the proper thing to do if it is your birthday is just tell your date (in a subtle way) and find it appropriate to recognize the birthday somehow.

Any one else have any interesting birthday related dating experiences?

 

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Dating a Firefighter


Over the years in Matchmaking, I’ve had many women clients that wanted me to introduce them to firefighter; they wanted to date a fireman. While there are no shortages of eligible firefighters, I’m going to try to give you a few tips on how it can work.

  • For the vast majority of them, the job will understandably be their first love
  • They are boys, and the men they hang with have a huge impact on their lives and you will be at first dating him and his boys. Nothing worse than creating havoc in the team!
  • Don’t think you can change or turn him into your dream guy. These amazing men live in a world you cannot imagine, not just the “doing it” part but the whole lifestyle of a firefighter.
  • The easiest conversation is to have him talk about himself. Why is he a firefighter? What is the best part about the job? Has he ever been scared at a big call? Another warning don’t go deep here last thing you want to do trigger a memory.
  • Know that at some point you will be run by his crew, his buddies for a group evaluation. The best thing you can hope for is an invitation to visit the station and would love to see where he works, or ask if you might bring some cookies by the station.

If he jumps at the suggestion and offers a good time to do that you’re in! Firefighters are gentlemen and will always treat a lady with respect, remember this is not a good environment for wall flowers, but know that he will always take any chance to step in and rescue you!
This Saturday April 1, I am proud and honored to attend The Surrey Firefighters’ Society – Ignite a Dream Event with some very dear Firefighter friends in White Rock. The event aims to provide underprivileged children of Surrey with Educational Opportunities.  Get a ticket here and support a great cause!  https://surreyfirefighters.com/ignite/

And oh yes, I will be scouting!

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Flashback: Miss Match 2003 !

Today I am spending a day in the office matching my clients and it made me remember an article I did back in 2003, on the let’s get down to business approach to finding love, one of my favorite articles. Today, I think back and how now these couples seem inseparable, as I see their snapshots on my happy couple’s photo wall. Feeling Grateful!

Read full article here:

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What Real love looks like (Part 2 con’t)

In this conclusion of a two-part series and when we left off in Part 1, we were just getting into the brass tacks of what real love looks like.

Today, we’re going to finish off the balance of the qualities of what real love looks like but I want to serve up a warning; If you haven’t read Part 1 of this series (https://matchmakerforhire.comwhat-real-love-looks-like-part-one-of-a-two-part-post/ ), you need to do that first. The complete picture always makes better sense.  Let’s dive in….

 

 

 

 

Companionship-  Is it Love or Companionship? It sure helps to have *some* common interests and often when people first fall in love, they bond over that shared love of certain activities and mutual interests. Even if they are different from yours, you can start trying them, showing interest in them, asking to share your partner in doing them. If the other party really interested in you, he/she will automatically show an equal interest in your hobbies and interests.  Here begins the companionship! The way you listen also tells of the way you care for the other party. You are listening not out of an interest in the subject itself but out of concern for the other party.  If we all apply it, I guarantee our dating experiences will be completely different.

Respect –In relationships, respect may be even more crucial than love.  It is useful, I think, to compare and contrast parent-child relationships with partner to partner relationships.  In both of these, respect is absolutely essential for it to work. When a love interest expresses an idea, or asks a question, take it seriously and learn to let go of unsolicited advice. Listen up! Love without respect is dangerous; it can crush the other person, sometimes literally.

Openness – Is openness important in your relationships? I mean, being open with your partner 100% of the time.  No secrets, no lies, nothing. In my personal opinion, everyone is entitled to have something to keep for themselves.  And I don’t think the most intimate, private thoughts are necessary to share unless they’re relevant to your partner or your relationship. There are certain things you share, other thoughts you don’t.  So let me ask, why do most of us babble out every thought, every little thing they do and everything anyone says to them? How boring! That’s the kind of stuff you keep for Facebook! I don’t think that a one-size-fits all rule like “always be open” makes much sense. Building a relationship and growing trust, while each of you are growing individually, requires more than simplistic slogans.

 

“Real love may seem less exciting than our shiny fantasies, but it is a million times more worthwhile” 

 

 

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What Real Love looks like?— (Part one of a two-part post)

Throughout our lives, we compile a picture of what we think real love should look like. Often this process begins early, as little kids listening to fairy tales envisioning our very own Cinderella and Prince Charming.  As we grow older, we often imagine finding a soul-mate, that perfect person who we were destined to spend our lives with—– we set out looking for our missing piece.

The trouble is that the reality of love is not quite as simple as the picture we create in our heads. Our idea of love often leads us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. The romantic, rom/com idea of “You complete me” has potentially negative implications by filling in the gaps we see in ourselves, we make assumptions and try to find a partner to fill in our self-perceived shortfalls.

Coming from a 16-year career in working with thousands of single men and women with finding love relationships, this two-part blog post will share a list of the top 5 qualities that my clients say, for them, work towards a truly loving relationship.

 

Honesty — Many believe that “Honesty is the best policy. Others say, “Discretion is the better part of valor.” Of course, being truthful is important. But are their times when you are better off not answering a new romantic partner’s questions or even, not telling the truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth…so help you God)?  After all, during the early stages of a new relationship, it’s what you don’t say, that can allow a relationship to grow and develop unencumbered by too much information.  I’m not advocating being untruthful or lying but rather I’m suggesting that good timing and discretion should be a part of being honest in a new relationship and replies such as “that’s old history, I don’t want to get into it,” or “that’s too personal,” or “that’s from my past, I’d rather it stays buried” are more than appropriate and honest.

Affection – Its’ Complicated! Most of us have kissed someone before and we’ve seen hundreds of movies of other people kissing, and yet, when we come face-to-face with someone we find attractive, our hearts race and our minds are sent reeling. And we stall.  It sounds simple, but why is it so hard?  Generally speaking, if someone practices skiing regularly for two years, they will eventually become quite competent at it. Yet many people spend most of their lives with one romantic failure after another. Why dating and not, say, skiing?  It’s your emotional map — or at least part of it. These are the hang ups and issues that you’ve battled and slowly beaten back with years of active effort. These are the realities that are needed to express openly and seek out the proper partner who can handle them. What are yours?

Coming next week, Part 2 will highlight 3 more qualities and sum up how to work towards a truly loving relationship.  For more tips on finding true love don’t forget to check out our website blog at https://matchmakerforhire.comblog/

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