Do you Skip the Small Talk ?

                                                                     

If you are turned on by intelligence, you’re a sapiosexual. If this describes you, and you are looking for a partner, here is a few tips that are essential.

  • You reach out on a dating app or on a face-to-face 1st date and try to get past the small talk as quickly as possible. Whilst other people  wade into talk about the weather, you just dive right into it. This will be the best conversations to assess their intellectual interests and whether it’s a match for you.
  • Don’t worry about seeming too nerdy. Go right ahead and geek out over board games, trivia nights and other stimulating activities. It’s a vibe that will attract like-minded partners.
  • And the clients I speak to say the attraction was less about having an advanced degree than about someone’s perspective or curiosity.  Its entirely subjective and its no different from saying I’m attracted to brunette girls, or tall guys. Its not some sort of strict rule.  Its just an indicator of what you know about yourself in terms of what tends to push our buttons in order to feel attraction.

Of course, you still will have to go on a few dates to find someone you’re attracted to, but once you do, you might find you have those core values in line with the other person.

Never apologize for what you are attracted to—–we like what we like!

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The GOLDEN BACHELOR

 

 

Dating at any age is awkward, scary and often a pain. True, being in the over-60 group may mean that more people your age are already off the market, however after 20 years as a matchmaker and myself in my mid- 60’s, the mature dating pool isn’t dismal, even if all the apps seem like they are.

Meet Jerry Turner. This Golden Bachelor who is a father of two and grandfather of two, is a “hopeless romantic”.  He’s looking for someone to  “share the sunset years of life” and has realized that life is just too short to play games and he realizes  dating is different than it was 50 years ago. While there is no real matchmaking algorithm with the niche Bachelor spin-off show, he remains positive about his prospects, saying he “has nothing to lose”. Whether he would get married again, he shared “I wouldn’t discount it!”

In reality people over 60 are finding love everyday.

 

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Believe in True Love? I hope you do!

 

Dating takes resilience.  And the more opportunities you give yourself, the better the chances you’ll find that person.  So maybe its not so surprising and even more encouraging that 90% of the singles I speak to who believe in true love say they know this because they have experienced it.  It’s the strongest emotion we’ll ever feel. So, I set off and researched what professors are saying.  So here you go;

Scientists say that there are three stages of love- lust, romantic obsession, and long-term attachment. 

Stage 1; Let’s start with LUST (who wouldn’t) and that took me to the beach at spring break in Fort Lauderdale….can you relate?

Stage 2; Romantic obsession, or attraction. You’re obsessed, it takes over your whole life, like a state of need, you can’t eat, sleep, or think straight. Sounds like a scene from a movie.  Can’t imagine a world with everyone in that state of romantic obsession. We’d all be nuts.

Stage 3; Which is why, with any luck, romantic obsession becomes Attachment. So, I reconnected with a couple I matched 20 years ago, that was certainly still attached with a combined 4 children, 15 grandchildren, and a couple of great grandchildren.

I came away from this with a renewed sense that true love does really exist. Part of being a matchmaker is, you know, trying to solve the unsolvable. What brings two singles together? What makes people stay together?  I guess there are no real-life answers as there is there is no research on the work that it takes to sustain it over a long period of time. I’m not sure why, maybe because it boring!!!!….like the day in and day out of who’s getting the toilet paper.

 

Your comments?

contact [email protected] 

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Are you Interviewing or Dating?

Everyone who has used a dating app or website knows that you can get incredibly exhausted of scrolling through profiles and sending messages. And it takes even more time to investigate and VERIFY  that someone isn’t exaggerating or just flat out lying.

If you are a discerning dater, why waste your time?

On the other hand, your matchmaker (a real person) will give you real, VERIFIED information after vetting each match for you.  That helps eliminate blind spots about the person you are about to meet and no more getting involved in the verification process.

Do you think singles should have to verify their identification to meet you ? You decide!

 

Message me if you are interested in joining our MATCHMAKER VERIFIED  active database ?

Which BTW….costs nothing to join.

[email protected]

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Aren’t you supposed to learn to like my Quirks?

 

Apparently not.

Most of the singles I meet have had their fair share of down-and-out dating moments.  Dates that end with a follow up text detailing all of your first date faux pas, the list goes on (and on).  So , I have a lot of empathy for all you dating warriors, who keep putting yourselves out there, trying to figure out what the other side wants, striving to be open to, and have enthusiasm for…… I don’t know, falling in LOVE.

All these things start to make me think that perhaps we’ve lost an important virtue on our way to finding a relationship;  HUMILITY.

I’m not talking about letting every bad date be proof of what’s wrong with you or your expectations, but humility is acknowledging that maybe we could do a better job of not being so hung up on ourselves and our non negotiables, and  that we can acknowledge these faults and start getting out of our own way on the path to finding a partner. Sure, we all deserve our own meet-cute, charming moments, that we can forget that we’re all flawed.  That’s the part that makes up beautiful and interesting. And it’s also part of what makes us annoying.

Truth be known, once you take a moment to swallow your pride, you might find how you learn to reconsider your habits in dating—its empowering– and therapeutic in a world where so much nonsense dating behavior is out of your hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dating; Our Best is All We Can Do

 

I’ve been pondering the comments and conversations I’ve had from my last weeks blog about the changes in dating habits– so many equally different reactions.

For me, I’ve been watching the full range of feedback of things that singles say and the ways they show up – or don’t, on a date for over 2 decades. That may seem inconsequential, but it’s anything but.  I’ve also come not to believe that singles are good because they showed up well, or bad on a date, because they didn’t. We all have differing capabilities and we’re all carrying personal burdens and its not a test or judgement of your quality as a potential partner or your capacity for finding LOVE.

So even if someone you meet on a date that is acting in ways you don’t particularly like, it’s such a relief to think, “they’re doing their best” without attachments to the outcome.  It will come back as grace for yourself when you inevitably make your own missteps.

There is truth to the fact that our best is all we can do.

 

In closing, think of a date from the past that you replay in your mind, good or bad.  Write about what you did, what you learned from it, and whether the knowledge has changed your actions —or how it might— in dating and finding love .

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“She’s the right person, the trade offs are worth it!”

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a great partner all around. Sometimes one has a clear and realistic understanding of love.  One might not.  One might idealize love as the solution to all of their problems.  One might not.

In today’s culture, many of us idealize love and see it as some lofty cure-all for all life’s problems and as a result we pay a price in the process of finding it. Healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions  and that success hinges on deeper more important values.

When I started working with Single Dad CJ in his 40’s, with his quest for a partner, he not only used his heart, but his mind.  Sure, he wanted to find someone who makes his  heart flutter, but he was able to evaluate his dates values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and moral compass in general.  His theory if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you ….well, you’re going to have a bad time.  And he was able to think outside of himself and his own needs and to help care for another person and their needs as well.

Were the trade offs worth it?

“Hell yes, I love her to bits, and we are talking long term plans. I really can’t ask for anything more at this point” .  

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The Difference a Matchmaker can Make!

 

 

“We had a great drink date. She is everything you said she was.  I’m cautiously optimistic, but it was probably one of the best dates that I have ever had”

Outsourcing your love life and dating with intention is becoming more and more mainstream especially as we enter into 2023 on the right note.

While all dating systems aim to pair people up, in matchmaking, it’s more specific.  You are paired with carefully reviewed potential dates with similar interests and hobbies, and ones who have the best shot at developing a romantic relationship with you.

Any experienced Matchmaker can;

  • Reduce the volume of potential dates and focus purely on quality and zero in on someone with the highest potential and be somewhat assured that your dates genuinely are looking for a long-term relationship too.
  • Rigorously screening clients, and questions getting specific as it can get, proves to have greater results.
  • Simply put, we can help you get the date, but it’s up to you how to stay there once you’ve made the connection.

 

 

Do you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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Santa-Dating Game

 

It’s known to be the perfect stocking stuffer to gift this holiday season.  A bushy beard, twinkly eyes and a belly that shakes like a bowl of jelly, starring the hunkydory sleigh-rider. Not one but six Santa’s that are all very attracted to you.

Which kind of Santa’s could you end up with? Well, there’s Sexy Santa, Secret Santa, Sleepy Santa, Sad Santa, Saintly Santa and the best one of all, Sassy Santa. In addition, it boasts 12 possible endings.

It sounds like the profile list of must-haves for every girl who is single.

 

Do you have a Santa dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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Take Me Home for the Holidays

 

If you have been dating someone new for a while now, and your relationship is getting serious as the holidays approach–so you ask–they agree–you suddenly PANIC!

Meeting the parents is a nerve-wracking experience for everyone, but it also means your relationship is going great!  While you are thrilled to be in love and share the holidays, its normal to feel hesitant thinking about all the family dynamics, quirks and history shared back at home.

Before you go try to remember:

  • Your family will be thrilled to see you and they are likely also just as excited, nervous, and somewhat cautious.
  • If your family members don’t react to your new love the way you had expected, try to cut them some slack.
  • Ease up on expectations, prep your partner and family as much as you can ahead of time and relax into the season with those you love.

 

Do you have a holiday dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

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