Sports………that’s how we met people in Canada.  It’s so hard to meet people in our cities, but we all get together over sports. Last night the Warriors forced the NBA finals to  Game 6 with the Raptors, so here’s your chance.   If you need proof there’s more to sports than sport, then how about going to a sporting event on a first date.  Here’s our thoughts;

• If she’s a fan of the team I don’t see why not.  Normally I’d see as a bad move, but all depends on how comfort she is with it and if she’s excited to go then it’s a good move!

• Awkward one to one conversations always go with first dates, so then a sporting event is a good way to go with no real pressure to be over romantic.

• A first date should never be about getting to know them. First dates you should take your date somewhere fun and enjoyable where you don’t have to spend a lot of time actually talking to them, but you just enjoy their company. Like the movies, mini golf, a sports game, something casual like that. It’s comfortable to be around each other and helps break the ice. The Second date is where you take them to dinner and actually have a 1 on 1, in-depth, continuous conversation.  And the bonus is you’ll always have a bailout conversation topic, because you can just revisit and talk about whatever you did on the first date.

• More so than any other the idea of a game date depends on the girl.  For example, if you take a date to a Blue Jays game and she played softball in college and is a huge baseball fan, it would be cool…however you might not do it with anyone else you date.

• I think it would be a more casual experience than something that usually comes with a lot of pressure, like dinner. If it goes well and the other person is into it as much as you (or at least tries to be) it lets you get comfortable with each other quicker. That said, you probably won’t get much time to talk if you’re watching the game, and if you’re a huge fan and they’re not, it could push them away. So maybe do something else in addition after to it where you can talk more.

• There’s always so much going on and there’s BEER. Who wouldn’t love to be taken to a game on a first date, beer makes everything so much fun. Even if she’s not a big sports fan, she’s sure to enjoy a laid back evening or afternoon courtside or at Jurassic Park. Even amateur teams tend to have more entertainment during the game, which will provide you with tons of conversation starters. Plus, the drinks and food won’t cost you an arm and a leg which is especially good news if things don’t pan out.

• And lastly, If you’re finding conversation awkward at a sporting event trust me, it wouldn’t be any better at a dinner and you probably aren’t right for each other anyway.

Going to a sporting event on a first date, Yay or Nay?

For a lot of people, finding love is a exasperating, elusive process.  For us Matchmakers, its just another day in the office.  Here’s some of the most important things we’ve learned about finding love and making it last;

• A question that most people unintentionally ignore is: Do I personally live up to the expectations that I have for someone else? And often the answer is no.  It is easy to come up with a list of ‘must-haves’ in a partner, but it is a lot harder to turn that list around and judge yourself. If you are not passionate about your life, how are you going to attract someone who is? If you are not living your life true to your values, how are you going to attract someone who does?

• When a client tells us his or her physical ‘musts,’ we like to use the analogy of friends.  Think about your three closest friends. They probably all look extremely different, but they all have qualities in common that you choose to surround yourself with — humor, intellect, empathy, altruism, honesty — whatever it is that you enjoy. When you’re searching for a romantic partner, think about searching for those qualities you enjoy — not just blonde hair or guys taller than 6 feet. Look at a person’s soul. If you like it, hold onto it.

• We have an idea of the right age and time to get married.  However just because you have been dating someone for a few years, and you are 31 years old, does not mean that you need to get married.  Trust your gut.  If you are not ready to get married, don’t.  We meet people every day who have gone through nasty divorces, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right.

• The hardest part of dating, by far, is finding the someone you truly connect with.  So if you do find that kind of person, don’t let him or her go -be loving enough to work on a solution- even when the going gets rough. 

Whether you are interested or not, Royal Baby madness has gripped which brings up a good question for singles; are you indifferent to having kids?   A common answer from a lot of clients when I ask them if they want children is  “I’m not against kids, I am indifferent.  If my future partner wants kids then I would love to have them.”

For some, it can be a hard time understanding this as having kids is a life-changing event; or the ones stating it , they are just not sure.  Of course no one owes anyone an explanation, but when you are dating it can feel like a big deal.   There are all sorts of reasons why someone, when on a date, admits to being undecided/open as it creates confusion, but when I ask,  the common reason I see most is more the feeling of being rushed or the clock is ticking from someone and that their answer “can go either way” means more….. “NOT RIGHT NOW”.

There are motivations for this ranging from preferring their current lifestyles to prioritizing their careers, and for some it’s a pipe dream, tremendous investment, and that they are not meant to do the parenting thing on their own and want to make sure they have help from a wider village. 

As with all dating deal-breakers, there is no benefit before going further into the dating world with a major issue already in place.  And it can make all the difference when one rarely mentions it and the others position is inflexible.  Its better off  if you are looking for someone you can be with long term, for everyone,  if you’re up front. Kids are a deal-breaker because you can’t have half a kid!

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Years ago, most widows, after the death of their husband or a divorcée from a decades long marriage, didn’t remarry or even date again. Now, most want a new next chapter that includes life with a new romantic partner- which begs a common question to those now sharing life’s adventures, how do you introduce him to others?   

I have asked several of my re-partnered clients what they call the new man in their lives and was amazed at the dozens of terms they offered.  Not surprisingly most felt “boyfriend” sounded immature, “significant other” seemed too formal and “companion” more like an ideal dinner date.  So I’ve summarized their alternative suggestions along with a few others I found online.  Some are hilarious, a few are moot and others are downright descriptive;

• Guy Friend, Bedfellow (is it a potential partner or simply a guy…. friend?)
• Partner in Crime  (maybe good if you are outlaws on the run)
• Soulmate (implies forever, which is a rather impossible length of time to grasp)
• Best Buddy, Better Half (some may argue it’s better not to be best friends with your partner)
• Undocumented husband, UPIARR -unmarried party in a romantic relationship, UPLIS -unmarried person living in sin (its more likely used to prevent deportation)

So what do I suggest you introduce the man you are sharing your life with ?  Just use his name simply saying  “I want you to meet James”.  Others will readily see that you’re together on more than a casual date.  You can also add, “We’re great partners”, if you think a bit more information would be helpful.

How do you feel about the word “boyfriend”? If you don’t use this term, how do you refer to your partner?  Please share your thoughts below!