Throughout our lives, we compile a picture of what we think real love should look like. Often this process begins early, as little kids listening to fairy tales envisioning our very own Cinderella and Prince Charming. As we grow older, we often imagine finding a soul-mate, that perfect person who we were destined to spend our lives with—– we set out looking for our missing piece.
The trouble is that the reality of love is not quite as simple as the picture we create in our heads. Our idea of love often leads us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. The romantic, rom/com idea of “You complete me” has potentially negative implications by filling in the gaps we see in ourselves, we make assumptions and try to find a partner to fill in our self-perceived shortfalls.
Coming from a 16-year career in working with thousands of single men and women with finding love relationships, this two-part blog post will share a list of the top 5 qualities that my clients say, for them, work towards a truly loving relationship.
Honesty — Many believe that “Honesty is the best policy. Others say, “Discretion is the better part of valor.” Of course, being truthful is important. But are their times when you are better off not answering a new romantic partner’s questions or even, not telling the truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth…so help you God)? After all, during the early stages of a new relationship, it’s what you don’t say, that can allow a relationship to grow and develop unencumbered by too much information. I’m not advocating being untruthful or lying but rather I’m suggesting that good timing and discretion should be a part of being honest in a new relationship and replies such as “that’s old history, I don’t want to get into it,” or “that’s too personal,” or “that’s from my past, I’d rather it stays buried” are more than appropriate and honest.
Affection – Its’ Complicated! Most of us have kissed someone before and we’ve seen hundreds of movies of other people kissing, and yet, when we come face-to-face with someone we find attractive, our hearts race and our minds are sent reeling. And we stall. It sounds simple, but why is it so hard? Generally speaking, if someone practices skiing regularly for two years, they will eventually become quite competent at it. Yet many people spend most of their lives with one romantic failure after another. Why dating and not, say, skiing? It’s your emotional map — or at least part of it. These are the hang ups and issues that you’ve battled and slowly beaten back with years of active effort. These are the realities that are needed to express openly and seek out the proper partner who can handle them. What are yours?
Coming next week, Part 2 will highlight 3 more qualities and sum up how to work towards a truly loving relationship. For more tips on finding true love don’t forget to check out our website blog at https://matchmakerforhire.comblog/
She’s Perfect….Anyway!
Yes , you are reading this right—- her little black dress is next to her workout gear and her high heels are next to her hiking boots. You just need to contact me [email protected] to find out more to meet this great woman.
As see in today’s Vancouver Sun. (all fees paid for by this client)
Birthday Dating
Birthdays! We all have them, most are hopefully happy- though some not, and we all enjoy celebrating birthdays with friends and family (mostly).
I recently celebrated a birthday. Which one, I won’t tell, but it was a birthday! I don’t feel any older, but now its just another day where I have to remember to change the digit in my response when people ask how old I am. But enough about my birthday…..it’s okay you didn’t send gifts. I’m over it Really! 🙂
So, what happens when you have a birthday during a date? Or someone has a birthday during the period of time you had just started dating? Hmm…awkward…to celebrate such a personal occasion with someone you hardly know and it can seem more like walking up to some random friend-of-a-friend from Facebook and try to be part of their birthday party.
While it may seem like a strange question for some, it has happened several times for many with differing results. Firstly, should you acknowledge the occurrence at all? If you didn’t have a clue and only found out that saves you from this quandary. But if you DO know about your date’s birthday it would be a bit impolite not to recognize the occasion at all.
When in doubt, its invaluable to check. Most online profiles these days have birthdays’ there for anyone to see or you can flash you licence and obnoxiously point out your date of birth or better yet, your date could have also mentioned the fact of their approaching birthday in passing. But the proper thing to do if it is your birthday is just tell your date (in a subtle way) and find it appropriate to recognize the birthday somehow.
Any one else have any interesting birthday related dating experiences?
Dating a Firefighter
Over the years in Matchmaking, I’ve had many women clients that wanted me to introduce them to firefighter; they wanted to date a fireman. While there are no shortages of eligible firefighters, I’m going to try to give you a few tips on how it can work.
If he jumps at the suggestion and offers a good time to do that you’re in! Firefighters are gentlemen and will always treat a lady with respect, remember this is not a good environment for wall flowers, but know that he will always take any chance to step in and rescue you!
This Saturday April 1, I am proud and honored to attend The Surrey Firefighters’ Society – Ignite a Dream Event with some very dear Firefighter friends in White Rock. The event aims to provide underprivileged children of Surrey with Educational Opportunities. Get a ticket here and support a great cause! https://surreyfirefighters.com/ignite/
And oh yes, I will be scouting!
Flashback: Miss Match 2003 !
Today I am spending a day in the office matching my clients and it made me remember an article I did back in 2003, on the let’s get down to business approach to finding love, one of my favorite articles. Today, I think back and how now these couples seem inseparable, as I see their snapshots on my happy couple’s photo wall. Feeling Grateful!
Read full article here:
What Real love looks like (Part 2 con’t)
Today, we’re going to finish off the balance of the qualities of what real love looks like but I want to serve up a warning; If you haven’t read Part 1 of this series (https://matchmakerforhire.comwhat-real-love-looks-like-part-one-of-a-two-part-post/ ), you need to do that first. The complete picture always makes better sense. Let’s dive in….
Companionship- Is it Love or Companionship? It sure helps to have *some* common interests and often when people first fall in love, they bond over that shared love of certain activities and mutual interests. Even if they are different from yours, you can start trying them, showing interest in them, asking to share your partner in doing them. If the other party really interested in you, he/she will automatically show an equal interest in your hobbies and interests. Here begins the companionship! The way you listen also tells of the way you care for the other party. You are listening not out of an interest in the subject itself but out of concern for the other party. If we all apply it, I guarantee our dating experiences will be completely different.
Respect –In relationships, respect may be even more crucial than love. It is useful, I think, to compare and contrast parent-child relationships with partner to partner relationships. In both of these, respect is absolutely essential for it to work. When a love interest expresses an idea, or asks a question, take it seriously and learn to let go of unsolicited advice. Listen up! Love without respect is dangerous; it can crush the other person, sometimes literally.
Openness – Is openness important in your relationships? I mean, being open with your partner 100% of the time. No secrets, no lies, nothing. In my personal opinion, everyone is entitled to have something to keep for themselves. And I don’t think the most intimate, private thoughts are necessary to share unless they’re relevant to your partner or your relationship. There are certain things you share, other thoughts you don’t. So let me ask, why do most of us babble out every thought, every little thing they do and everything anyone says to them? How boring! That’s the kind of stuff you keep for Facebook! I don’t think that a one-size-fits all rule like “always be open” makes much sense. Building a relationship and growing trust, while each of you are growing individually, requires more than simplistic slogans.
“Real love may seem less exciting than our shiny fantasies, but it is a million times more worthwhile”
What Real Love looks like?— (Part one of a two-part post)
The trouble is that the reality of love is not quite as simple as the picture we create in our heads. Our idea of love often leads us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. The romantic, rom/com idea of “You complete me” has potentially negative implications by filling in the gaps we see in ourselves, we make assumptions and try to find a partner to fill in our self-perceived shortfalls.
Coming from a 16-year career in working with thousands of single men and women with finding love relationships, this two-part blog post will share a list of the top 5 qualities that my clients say, for them, work towards a truly loving relationship.
Honesty — Many believe that “Honesty is the best policy. Others say, “Discretion is the better part of valor.” Of course, being truthful is important. But are their times when you are better off not answering a new romantic partner’s questions or even, not telling the truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth…so help you God)? After all, during the early stages of a new relationship, it’s what you don’t say, that can allow a relationship to grow and develop unencumbered by too much information. I’m not advocating being untruthful or lying but rather I’m suggesting that good timing and discretion should be a part of being honest in a new relationship and replies such as “that’s old history, I don’t want to get into it,” or “that’s too personal,” or “that’s from my past, I’d rather it stays buried” are more than appropriate and honest.
Affection – Its’ Complicated! Most of us have kissed someone before and we’ve seen hundreds of movies of other people kissing, and yet, when we come face-to-face with someone we find attractive, our hearts race and our minds are sent reeling. And we stall. It sounds simple, but why is it so hard? Generally speaking, if someone practices skiing regularly for two years, they will eventually become quite competent at it. Yet many people spend most of their lives with one romantic failure after another. Why dating and not, say, skiing? It’s your emotional map — or at least part of it. These are the hang ups and issues that you’ve battled and slowly beaten back with years of active effort. These are the realities that are needed to express openly and seek out the proper partner who can handle them. What are yours?
Coming next week, Part 2 will highlight 3 more qualities and sum up how to work towards a truly loving relationship. For more tips on finding true love don’t forget to check out our website blog at https://matchmakerforhire.comblog/
“To kiss or not to kiss”? That is the question this Valentines Day!
Tip for Valentine’s Day: A good kiss can seal a relationship, and a bad one can kill a new relationship before it’s even got started.
Psychologists report that most people can remember up to 90 % of the details of their first romantic kiss, a memory that is even more powerful than their first sexual encounter!
What is known for sure is that exclusivity starts with the FIRST FRENCH KISS in France? Its true! Just as you would encourage your child to say please and thank you, hello and goodbye, French parents in France ALL encourage their children to “faire la bise” to friends and family both young and old.
Here, men mostly shake hands with each other with optional back slapping, but men kiss women. Women kiss women. Everyone kisses children; both sexes hold up their faces to be kissed. So, this Valentines, when you have known someone for a while and have exchanged handshakes already, one of you can say, “on fait la bise” and the kissing can begin.
Check out some of the most memorable kisses have come out of Hollywood:
Burt Lancaster’s famous kiss in the surf with Deborah Kerr in the 1953 film “From Here to Eternity,” still ranks as the most memorable of all screen kisses, as rated by entertainment writer Erik Lundegaard. Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst ranked second in their upside-down kiss in the 2002 movie “Spider-Man,” followed by George Peppard and Audrey Hepburn in the 1961 film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” and Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in the 1990 move “Ghost.”
GAME ON!!! – Lessons the Super Bowl can teach you about Dating!
What do the Patriots & Falcons have in common with your dating game plan and how can you learn and understand lessons from the NFL and relate it to all aspects of your dating life? Here’s our playbook:
Not all coaches make it into the finals, only the best ones. Everybody in life needs a good coach that’s going to center them, ground them and help them achieve what they need to achieve. Those are the kind of coaches needed to help you navigate yourself in the dating game.
If you take a look at the best teams in football, they’re owned by the most stable people out there. They don’t give up, don’t have bad days, or look for immediate fixes. It’s like that with your dating life, as well. Ownership is everything. And stability is everything.
There is little doubt who belongs at the top of the list of the best quarterbacks; great leaders who always return to the finals with their team every year —–hello, Tom Brady. So, technically you are the quarterback to yourself and your dating life. So be the best you can be.
So, think about this: as you slowly make your way through your dating life, you’ve got to be the quarterback, the owner and you should have a coach that keeps you on the right track. Take a look at your dating life game plan. Do you have all three of those things?
I am……Coach Carstens !
“If you don’t plan your life, chances are you’ll fall into someone’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? NOT MUCH!” –Jim Rohn
Someone’s going to win at Finding Love– it might as well be You!
James (not Real Name) couldn’t get a break. For the past three years, he spent 5-8 hours a week “playing” a few of the paid online dating sites, but he’s only hit it close to meeting his match less than a handful of times. He still keeps trying, sure his luck is bound to change.
Sound familiar? Have you been pouring time and energy into online dating looking for a chance to find love quick from the comfort of home and so far, it hasn’t worked. To make matters worse your friend and/or colleagues are meeting someone on a first date. It really isn’t fair.
What a lot of singles don’t realize is that winning at finding love has nothing to do with luck and there’s no question playing the online dating game to find true love can be a fool’s game. Play it for fun if you want but don’t do it because you think its going to help to find you your mate.
While its true, personalized matchmaking ups your chances of getting a second date 80%, its far more than the less than one-third of people who have used online dating have never actually landed a date with someone they corresponded with.
If you really want to improve your experiences for the chance to find love do something boring; keep trying and investigate the world of Matchmaking……. I’ll put all the finding, vetting and connecting on the table for you…… you can just have fun and enjoy!
Heads up! Only 1 Month till Valentine’s Day!
Here it comes! Just when you were resting on your laurels making it thru the holidays being single……its Valentine’s Day! Call us kind of a weird-Os’ but Valentine’s Day is our favorite holiday. Of course, we love Christmas but Valentine’s Day is special …. because it’s about a love that lasts all year for us!
So how do you get through being single on Valentine’s Day without quietly losing your mind? Glad you asked; Get Ready for Next Valentine’s Day!
Getting through Valentine’s Day this year is the first step. The final step is getting ready for Valentine’s Day next year… and each year after that. This may sound like a task that’s going to leave you waking up screaming in the night, but hear me out. Just as the key to getting through this Valentine’s Day is to take steps that give you greater control, the key to making it through future ones is to apply those same principles to your life. Dating – as I’m so often reminding people – is a skill. It’s something that you can take control of and improve with conscious effort along with a little help.
Making the choice to develop and improve those skills is part of how you make Valentine’s Day something you can enjoy instead of something you endure – whether you’re single or in a relationship. And while I’m not big on things like New Years resolutions, Valentine’s Day makes as good a day as any to decide that you’re going to actively work towards concrete steps to becoming more productive in dating. Part of the point of working with a Matchmaker is to give you highly-specific, personalized advice and tools so you can make romantic success a reality. Whether you need to troubleshoot your dating life, get better results or make a total transformation, you can become the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Ok so now you have been warned, there are no excuses. Take control of your dating life and make this the last Valentine’s Day you have to suffer through alone.
I’m looking for your thoughts! Let’s hear them!