Tag Archive for: #bcmatchmaker #matchmakervancouver

Dating Someone with Different Ideological Views?

Despite what you may think, dating someone with different ideological views (and having a healthy, fulfilling relationship) is completely possible given the divisive dating climate around it. In fact, SPIRITUAL or POLITICAL differences in a relationship aren’t necessarily deal-breakers, particularly if you and your SO are OK with it. Without differences in backgrounds and beliefs, very little growth can happen individually.

So, let’s talk about something I find troubling — lately people won’t even consider going out with somebody who disagrees. People are missing a lot of things and there’s a lot more to a person in addition to their views.  If one would realize there are many other dimensions to life, and that people are considered as whole, big, meaningful biographies worthy of a notice—then that’s a good frame of mind to live with—- look beyond your reflection in the mirror!

“Ideological beliefs shouldn’t be a big deal in choosing a life partner, nor should they dominate the relationship. I spend a lot of time dating people I disagree with and I’ve learned to talk to them and respect them” concludes Client Susan, “You find a way to do it, and I’ve been grateful to have a wider perspective.  It may not have changed my mind, but it’s changed my spirit.”

“I care more about how you treat me, then about how you vote” states Client Michael.

 

 

According to a Liberal Christian Matchmaker and her clients.

 

NOTE: If you’re in love or going out with a person who questions [multiple scenarios], but if that person is rude or hostile to people they meet, that’s a different thing and maybe you should think twice.

 

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Not Interested? Just Say So.

 

Most singles often don’t know how to express what’s going on for them when dating is not working. It might be they simply don’t understand why its not working or know how to explain it. Its like you could literally run a mile away from it, and its making single people not want to go on ANY dates.

The dating scene has completely evolved over the last decade where I have played cupid. One factor that makes dating harder is finding someone looking for the same type of relationship. Over 50% of the singles I speak to lately, indicate that this factor is a problem.  People define relationships differently, and they have different approaches to beginning one.  Trying to date someone who does not indicate wanting to take the relationship the next level can be frustrating. That is why it’s important to simply ask where someone is at and be honest with your hopes.

What if one could simply and politely say: “Hey I enjoyed spending time with you and would like to keep getting to know you” and give them an out if they’re not feeling the same way (e.g. “and yet, if you’re not interested, zero hard feelings.  I’d just like to know where you’re at”)

Who here agrees? Thoughts…

 

 

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We are on the search for a Vancouver Bachelor for our Vancouver Bachelorette.

                                                                     

We are on the search for a Vancouver Bachelor for our Vancouver Bachelorette.

 

Meet Bachelorette B, a fun loving, smart educational professional in her 30’s.  Brimming with positive energy and intellectual curiosity, she enjoys reading, drinking coffee and is active in sailing, cycling, and running on the seawall with her dog.  Bachelorette B is a nurturing woman who loves cooking for her friends. She is funny , kind, adventurous and is a real gem!

 

Her ideal matches are guys 35-45, who are smart, genuinely kind, funny, quirky guys.  She’s very open and wants to fall in love with his brain and would like to have a family. Prefer Vancouver area (but lower mainland ok too).

Interested ?  For more information please DM or email [email protected]

 

 

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Aren’t you supposed to learn to like my Quirks?

 

Apparently not.

Most of the singles I meet have had their fair share of down-and-out dating moments.  Dates that end with a follow up text detailing all of your first date faux pas, the list goes on (and on).  So , I have a lot of empathy for all you dating warriors, who keep putting yourselves out there, trying to figure out what the other side wants, striving to be open to, and have enthusiasm for…… I don’t know, falling in LOVE.

All these things start to make me think that perhaps we’ve lost an important virtue on our way to finding a relationship;  HUMILITY.

I’m not talking about letting every bad date be proof of what’s wrong with you or your expectations, but humility is acknowledging that maybe we could do a better job of not being so hung up on ourselves and our non negotiables, and  that we can acknowledge these faults and start getting out of our own way on the path to finding a partner. Sure, we all deserve our own meet-cute, charming moments, that we can forget that we’re all flawed.  That’s the part that makes up beautiful and interesting. And it’s also part of what makes us annoying.

Truth be known, once you take a moment to swallow your pride, you might find how you learn to reconsider your habits in dating—its empowering– and therapeutic in a world where so much nonsense dating behavior is out of your hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“She’s the right person, the trade offs are worth it!”

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a great partner all around. Sometimes one has a clear and realistic understanding of love.  One might not.  One might idealize love as the solution to all of their problems.  One might not.

In today’s culture, many of us idealize love and see it as some lofty cure-all for all life’s problems and as a result we pay a price in the process of finding it. Healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions  and that success hinges on deeper more important values.

When I started working with Single Dad CJ in his 40’s, with his quest for a partner, he not only used his heart, but his mind.  Sure, he wanted to find someone who makes his  heart flutter, but he was able to evaluate his dates values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and moral compass in general.  His theory if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you ….well, you’re going to have a bad time.  And he was able to think outside of himself and his own needs and to help care for another person and their needs as well.

Were the trade offs worth it?

“Hell yes, I love her to bits, and we are talking long term plans. I really can’t ask for anything more at this point” .  

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Unsolicited Dating Advice

A lot of singles have difficulty navigating their own conflicting views of dating. And there is this age-old dilemma for our friends/family who have life experiences, know us, and want to use it to help us from making mistakes.  But guess again, most singles see the interventions as intrusive and crossing a boundary usually creating uncertainty, doubt, and a disbelief that this is how things should go.

Matchmakers, along with relationship coaches have altruistic intentions.  Instead of telling our clients how to live their dating life, we help them manage the feedback, and ask them how we can help.  This allows our clients to feel safe in their boundaries and empowered to respectfully accept or reject the offer.  Listening and asking questions is more valuable than telling people what to do.

Just this week I had a couple out on a 2nd date and after a week of disbelief how things actually went, just needed a little acknowledgement that things were in fact going well.  They are now going on date #3.

Simply being there, validating, cheering them on, giving them virtually hugs mean more than an instruction manual.

 

 

Do you have an unsolicited dating experience like this that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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What do you Vet in the Dating Process?

 

Too many people see dating as an endgame, in which they must score their goal of finding a partner as fast as possible and getting frustrated in the process.

Have the self-confidence to listen and learn while also having companionship, recreation, and entertainment. Going to dinner, a movie, or even for a walk with a person gives you a window into another person’s view of life, his/her background, and experiences. Too much focus on whether this person is “The One” and how he/she is reacting to you will inevitably keep you single.

Lately, many of the singles I speak to are dating A LOT leaving less than 5% of those dates with any real potential connection and they are more than ready to step up the quality of their dates over the quantity.

Be very choosy.  Love may come, but meanwhile, you can still have a lot of great dates with people who are interesting, fun, or both.

 

 

 

Do you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below.

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Real People looking for Real Relationships

It’s never been easier to meet someone online but landing a real date in a traditional setting feels like fishing in the Dead Sea; IMPOSSIBLE.  With life online an ever-present reality, MATCHMAKING still is one of the best ways to date.  The best part? It actually works.

So, what gives matchmaking the secret sauce ? It has to do with the in person sign-up process, questions are practical, allowing you to be picky with your preferences based on actual date feedback and we’re not afraid to set up dates for you to meet in person quickly which helps you open up earlier than you normally would. I have been matchmaking for over 20 years, helping  daters spanning all age groups find long-term relationships, not to mention perfecting our strategy over the years and most of our clients are dating someone within six months.

If you really want to meet someone, you need to reach out to us. [email protected] 

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Rethinking Dating

 

The vast array of dating apps has skewed our sense on the real-world of dating by dangling the prospect of another better match, based on a perception of algorithmic decisions,  merely a swipe away. The forced isolation of the pandemic, and the attempts that many people made to work around it, has put an unexpected lens on modern-day intimacy. It’s become a natural part of dating and seeking a partner.  Sound familiar?  What I have noticed from the new clients I meet is that they have had a hard time believing there is someone out there.

 “Just as I have resigned to enjoying my own company and not concerning myself with a need to be partnered, you come along and give me a pat on the back. You sure know how to perk a guy up ;)”….client quote

Relationships take a leap of faith and work.  I know personally how tough it is to allow yourself to be vulnerable this time around. Know you are older and smarter than before. And if you need someone to support and help you give yourself the best chance of finding love, then let’s schedule a time to talk.

If you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us, tell us in the comments section below.

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How to know if/when we are being too hard on ourselves.

I’ve seen it over and over in hundreds of smart, high-achieving singles I speak to and yet today, I still get the same question- “How do I know if or when I’m being too hard on myself when it comes to dating?”.

In working with singles over the last 20 years,  we find most are engaged in what we call “perfectionistic over functioning” – doing MORE than is healthy, appropriate, and necessary, continually moving the goalpost , trying to get an A+ in all of the aspects of dating and exhausting ourselves to the bone in the process and trying to keep up with what you think you “should” be doing.  If you answered “yes” to one or more of the above , it’s safe to say you are being too hard on yourself, it’s not serving you and it’s holding you back.

Simply shifting this mindset can truly expanded your thinking. Strengthen yourself, by building strong boundaries, learn to say “yes” to what you want, and “no” to what is not tolerable or acceptable—like your lives depend on it, because they do.

Do you want help finding and attracting your right partner? Would you like advice from a 20-year matchmaker that has interviewed over thousands of singles and personally helped thousands of clients with their search of finding the right person?

I offer personal coaching services, online dating profile review, and a real “hands on” perspective.

To schedule a call contact [email protected] , I look forward to assisting you.

 

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