Tag Archive for: datingtips

Everyone Makes Mistakes in Dating

 

How many of you can honestly say they haven’t made a few mistakes when they meet someone new?  Sometimes good people make bad choices.  It doesn’t mean they are bad….it means they are human. You learn from them and go on because a mistake is one thing. A pattern is another.

There are loads of reasons why getting to a 2nd date might not work out. Perhaps you’re just plain old incompatible, or you’re not sure how to avoid falling foul of these oh-so-frequent behaviours we hear from the 1st dates we set up with our clients.

  • Idealizing your date-Do you actually like them, or are you projecting some dreamed-up version of a perfect match? Putting someone on a pedestal is setting them up for failure. No one can live up to an imagined list.
  • Following your Hormones not your heart–We get it-it’s been a long few years of lockdown and you’re feeling frisky, but don’t dive into intimacy too quickly. Hormones and attachment patterns get us in hook, line, and sinker, almost instantly- whether this is a suitable person or not.
  • Failing to see their flaws-This ties in with the first 2 pitfalls- Ask yourself: are you seeing this person through rose-tinted, loved-up glasses? It’s all too easy to fail to check out ( we don’t mean their social media ) if the person is who they say they are and what they want.

We all learn from our ‘mistakes”, sometimes a very painful lesson, especially in dating.

But others judging is their “mistake”.

Do you have a story to share?

 

#findlove  #datingadvice #datingtips #datingcoach #relationshipadvice #okcupid #dating101 #stayconnected #singlestatus #onlinedating #matchmaking #matchmakerforhire #janecarstens  #matchmakervancouver #vancouvermatchmaker

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Single Dad’s ; Spring Break Alert

While Covid has been a good excuse for not meeting up with just anyone, and he’s burnt out from dating apps , yet he’s never down in the dumps because he doesn’t have a partner. He would just love to meet someone who’s active and outdoorsy, and actually interested in him.

He is an amazing single Dad, 6’ in his early 40’s, that is trying to navigate his world running a niche business in Western Canada and raising his boys. For him saving time this March Break for more fun things like snowboarding, hiking, boating, eating out and spontaneous road trips or jumping on a plane almost anywhere – so he’s hired us while he enjoys spring break. 

 If you are open to meeting a real old fashioned valued guy and you’re in your 30’s message us to learn more and a chance to meet him. (In an exclusive way, and at no cost to you) or pass it on to your best girlfriends.

[email protected]

 

 

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Be Aware of Fantasy Relationships

Like all people, we are deserving of love and connection. Here are a couple things to keep in mind for anyone wanting to avoid  the so-called, real life  “Tinder Swindler” while navigating the world in today’s dating.

Experiences have taught me that practiced too early on (before trust and a foundation have been established), excessive written contact between a potential partner can fuel the engine of fantasy relationships.  We often fill in the missing spaces and unknowns with our own details. This can lead to feeling letdown when the in-person counterpart fails to match up to whatever idealized version our mind has concocted.  For instance, in writing and on the phone, maybe you bonded over what you thought was a shared passion for dogs.  But then, in person, it becomes apparent that their interest is only passing and half-hearted and that they only volunteered at a shelter once.

It’s human nature to be more likely to think the best about someone and mold them into who we want them to be rather than see them for who they really are.  Do yourself a favour and know that it’s basically a fantasy story that can only backfire for us down  the road.

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How NOT to Burn Out, DATING

 

Born and raised a Toronto girl with nothing more than passion, a computer, a love for the West Coast, and for the last 20 years I have remained insatiably curious about human connections.

 

What makes singles genuinely happy, successful, and fulfilled while searching for the one? It is possible to dream big without running yourself into the ground, while still remaining optimistic, open, and stress-free.

 

Here’s the good news; I’ve learned from personal experience (and by interviewing some great successful singles), that you can accomplish meeting the one—without burning out. As long as you cultivate the right habits and plan of action.

Everyone’s plan will look a little bit different, but there are some things that should definitely be included;

  1. First and foremost, if you are serious (or even potentially serious) about finding the one is to have a clear head and an open heart.
  2. I will not rush it. It is so important to take your time in letting a connection develop and so worth it in the end. Taking things slowly can not only help you avoid mistakes, but it can also vastly improve your dating skills. There is no substitute for short-cuts.
  3. Seek wise counsel. Even if you are approaching dating with an open heart and committed to taking things slowly, you need to hear from people who know you well and who don’t get goosebumps when they hold your dates hand.

 

Well, there you have it; however, this is by no means an exhaustive list.  If you’d like to find a mentor to talk to about these kinds of things and don’t have one, consider reaching out to me. It would be my honor to support you and cheer you on.

 

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Modern Love

 

We have found that it is UNLIKELY that two people would get together to date in today’s world if they had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common.

In fact, the relationship goals of most of the singles, looking for relationships that we meet, are quite different than those of the past. Although it’s known that skiing, biking, and hiking use to top the list;  now different values and the extremely tough challenges that we have all experienced over the past couple years has become the priority.

One challenge in particular is that singles live in a world where independence and individuality are valued higher than they used to be, which means that sometimes relationships and family become a “back burner” priority.  But it’s never too late to make your relationship a priority.

Here are a few qualities successful singles have in common.

  • Love Unconditionally – always consider your partners feelings, don’t think you can change them, communicate your hopes and dreams with each other.
  • Trust One Another– often there are parts of one’s lives that are separate from each other, avoid trying to control, if jealousy comes up talk about it, and be open and honest about it.
  • They have Things in Common – its important to share taste in movies, music, food, shared values, intellectual interests and/or political views. This way there are at least a few things you enjoy doing together and you always have something to talk about.

 

While it is possible to build a relationship with someone you have a little in common with, too. Over time, chances are you’ll discover, learn , and try more things that you can both enjoy and share together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Dating Challenge to KICK OFF 2022

For most singles, the New Year is the most proactive season to get out and find love. We all have rituals round many things in our life, and I myself will recommit to conscious eating and more exercise.  This being a seemingly endless season of difficulty and uncertainty for everyone—and yet, as is always the case, singles have never had more of a desire to find love.

So, to mark the passing of 2021 and to ring in 2022, I’m sending you this New Year’s inspired reminder, along with a dating challenge.  Start with an inventory of  lists and in place of resolutions, desire your way into a New Year of dating consciously.

Your challenge:

  1. What parts of dating in the last year worked for you, big or small ?
  2. What did last years dating euphoria leave you yearning for ?
  3. What’s behind you dating anxiety from the most mundane to the dreaded?
  4. What safe dating resources and practices saw you thru that you can rely on in 2022 ?
  5. What would a version of your “wildest dream” date look like, no matter how unrealistic ?

 

Leave a comment

 

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It’s Time! 3 Reasons to Date in 2022

 

Dating has always allowed you to hit pause and take a break.  But after living thru the last few years of a pandemic which has challenged dating, many of us realize now it’s about so much more.  Matchmakers like me, who work with singles who say they would seriously date someone, are setting the tone.  Dating can be a good catalyst for good and it can even be regenerative for singles.

Knowing what you want, finding smart ways to cut thru all the noise, meeting others who are more ready to find love, generally is on everyone’s mind and a constant with all the singles I speak with these days.  Luckily, Matchmakers have always taken dating seriously and as the world really starts to open up again, here are my 3 reasons to get dating in 2022.

  1. Intentional dating. Elevate the bar, be clear and date with purpose. Know what the heck you’re looking for and seek alignment early (& often); and don’t waste time meeting other singles characterized by finding pleasure in flings and things than staying committed.

 

  1. The great online migration. Anyone who’s ever tried their hand at online dating apps and fallen into the abyss of badly lit selfies, fib heavy profiles and “one word” messages know exactly what I’m talking about.  Dating apps are designed to keep you on the apps- something most don’t have the time or patience for, and singles are looking for alternatives that can help cut through the noise–willing to give matchmaking a shot.

 

  1. Make dating fun again. As matchmakers our MO is to make dating fun again, make it romantic, and turn back your attention to mingling with singles in real life.   Something that is lacking in today’s app-driven dating scene.

 

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Help for Empty Nesting and Dating

I have seen over this last month with the singles I speak to, it can be quite difficult as a parent to adjust to a new home and family dynamic after the kids have moved out or on to university living. They have shared feelings of loneliness and restlessness and it’s important to realize that along with this big change come many possibilities, especially if you are SINGLE.  Rather than an end, this time in your life can be a wonderful new beginning.

It isn’t a bad thing; simply put its time for you to spread your wings.

Connecting with others who are looking for love in the same situation and those you may not have had time for in recent years.  You can start with brushing up on your dating skills, get some new photos, create a great bio and put yourself out there to meeting others for fun, friendship, or romance interests that’s totally new to you.

It’s easy and just a matter of putting forth an intentional effort to “date”.

If you need a little help, contact us [email protected] We are always keen to help. No Strings attached.

 

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Do you get stuck in a negative DATING thought loop- that you can’t get out?

The media & TV, you see, contributes to the failure of many relationship expectations around the world.  Glamorizing and magnifying fairy tales that cause us – women especially- to have unrealistic expectations about how successful romantic relationships are found and maintained and when you think dating becomes a challenging situation it becomes pervasive in your life.

Sometimes the impact is so great that it has virtually obliterated thoughts around dating creating worst case scenarios leaving singles exhausted and sabotaging their own relationship goals that you can’t get out.  How whacked is that?

Fortunately, there are several methods to stop this trouble-making pattern of thought – which over the last 20 years, I got to share with many of my matchmaking clients.  Getting back to traditional ways involving two people who are actually suitable for each other (imagine that) and who, with a little help from extended support often build a successful relationship…..over time.

Let’s be honest, not everyone is prepared for the full matchmaking experience and that’s okay —knowing a thing or two about what works and just having someone there to help can make all the difference.

Email me [email protected]   for a complimentary call and I can tell you more about my new offer, Matchmaker on Demand.

 

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Podcast Announcement – Dating

There is no secret in finding the right partner (we do it everyday)!

Thanks so much to hosts Robin Farrell & Chelsea Smith on their very popular Vancouver Island hosted podcast “Don’t Mind if We Do”.  Come join us. There is always room for one more at their table and we shared a lot of laughs and fun chatting ways on how to take the guesswork out of finding your person in the landscape of todays dating.

 

Need some help or know someone who does?  Send them the link below and have a listen. Episode 9 “Matchmaker Matchmaker…Make me a Match!”

https://podfollow.com/dont-mind-if-we-do/view

 

If you loved it please follow us and share with a friend!

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