Tag Archive for: #janecarstens

Modern Love

 

We have found that it is UNLIKELY that two people would get together to date in today’s world if they had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common.

In fact, the relationship goals of most of the singles, looking for relationships that we meet, are quite different than those of the past. Although it’s known that skiing, biking, and hiking use to top the list;  now different values and the extremely tough challenges that we have all experienced over the past couple years has become the priority.

One challenge in particular is that singles live in a world where independence and individuality are valued higher than they used to be, which means that sometimes relationships and family become a “back burner” priority.  But it’s never too late to make your relationship a priority.

Here are a few qualities successful singles have in common.

  • Love Unconditionally – always consider your partners feelings, don’t think you can change them, communicate your hopes and dreams with each other.
  • Trust One Another– often there are parts of one’s lives that are separate from each other, avoid trying to control, if jealousy comes up talk about it, and be open and honest about it.
  • They have Things in Common – its important to share taste in movies, music, food, shared values, intellectual interests and/or political views. This way there are at least a few things you enjoy doing together and you always have something to talk about.

 

While it is possible to build a relationship with someone you have a little in common with, too. Over time, chances are you’ll discover, learn , and try more things that you can both enjoy and share together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The February that changed my career—and life.

Most singles love January – they think it’s a time for a new beginning, and to refresh and reset their love lives. Yet, some people like May, when the first signs of summer start and everything feels easy again.

For Matchmakers its February.  It’s always been a fabulous month for us and the month where singles make new things happen.  As a Matchmaker , I’ve been writing blogs about how January is a great time to assess your situation, review you love plans, and kick start the year dating in a positive way.  But for those of you who know me you’ll know that I’m also very firm about one thing: If you don’t get to something in January, that’s no reason to give up.  That’s why I look at January as a warmup and February as the time to truly make things happen.

On a personal note, February has been something of a lucky month for me–20 years ago, in February 2002, I was on a flight from Toronto to Vancouver. Making a big, life-changing decision to leave my corporate job,  picked up my life and moved across the country to start a business in Matchmaking. I was ready to move on and move forward.  I couldn’t wait to hop off the plane and start strategizing.

Fast forward to February 2022, my mission hasn’t changed-  knowing everyone wants love but not everyone can easily find it.  That mission has gotten me out of bed for the last 20 years.

I truly believe, when you are clear about what you want and why you want it, it becomes much easier to keep going and to stay focused, even if it’s taking longer than expected.

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There’s ONE MONTH till Valentines Day!

Ok, you have been warned; there are no excuses. Just when you were resting on your laurels making it thru the holidays being single; boom it will be Valentines Day! Not that we want to politicize Valentine’s Day, as we are still in a pandemic and not supposed to be touching people, but call it what you will, Valentines’ Day is our favourite holiday.

If you are single , I promise you , you are not alone; you’re just not seeing them. As I am so often reminding people, there are many, many singles thinking the same thing you are and lacking enthusiasm.  However, there is no need to veto Valentine’s Day this year. Because we are singing a different tune and  believe now is a perfect time to kick off your love campaign.

Todays, matchmaking pools are thriving.  For starters, we elevate the bar for our clients with an alternative that can help cut through the noise.  And there is an abundance of healthy and active people interested in meeting someone for a relationship.

Ever consider hiring someone to help you find love ?  Contact me [email protected] or call 778-552-3350

I hope to hear from you.

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A Dating Challenge to KICK OFF 2022

For most singles, the New Year is the most proactive season to get out and find love. We all have rituals round many things in our life, and I myself will recommit to conscious eating and more exercise.  This being a seemingly endless season of difficulty and uncertainty for everyone—and yet, as is always the case, singles have never had more of a desire to find love.

So, to mark the passing of 2021 and to ring in 2022, I’m sending you this New Year’s inspired reminder, along with a dating challenge.  Start with an inventory of  lists and in place of resolutions, desire your way into a New Year of dating consciously.

Your challenge:

  1. What parts of dating in the last year worked for you, big or small ?
  2. What did last years dating euphoria leave you yearning for ?
  3. What’s behind you dating anxiety from the most mundane to the dreaded?
  4. What safe dating resources and practices saw you thru that you can rely on in 2022 ?
  5. What would a version of your “wildest dream” date look like, no matter how unrealistic ?

 

Leave a comment

 

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Your Dating Struggles are NOT Your Fault. Here’s Why.

As someone who spent the last 20 years listening to single people sharing some of their biggest dating struggles,  I know better than anyone how much fun the “dating thing” can be.   So many singles blame themselves and feel terrible when they don’t get the results they want.  Plus, dating itself can be loaded up with self-loathing beliefs—this kind of negative mindset will only keep you stuck, yet another year, in a pattern of yo-yo dating.

That being said, the dating thing also comes with some drawbacks.  For example, here are some actual recent dating struggles from our clients that you might be able to relate to;

  • It can be too easy to find people flaws –“I’m getting into my 30’s, I don’t want to date anyone I don’t see a serious future with” . This makes it way too easy to pick holes in people, probably quite unfairly.
  • It can be difficult to read signals— “I have no idea how read whether women are/aren’t interested, so I always just err on the side of caution and assume they aren’t.” Figure it out, apply it and just ask them.
  • Being Single can be nice — “I’m comfortable being single. I got a good thig going right now”. Nice, but then you don’t put too much effort (or any at all) into dating and are often busy and rarely have the time to date.
  • Overthinking can lead to Overreacting – “I overthink, which leads to overreacting, and this causes them to think I’m insane, so they loose interest” . Long story short, you need to CHILL.

If you want to create self-loving, healthy dating habits for 2022 – that are realistic to maintain- then I encourage you to contact us now !  [email protected]

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Dating Apps Dictate “the more the merrier” !

With the new variants and current global climate, we’re in a new stage and phase of dating and there is nothing wrong with you if that’s where your mind is going or if love is what you’re seeking.  We are all trying to get by.

Dating experts and matchmakers- myself included- would advise that it is in every singles best interest to meet a potential match in real life as soon as possible, to avoid wasting your time and emotional energy investing in someone you many not have chemistry with.

For starters, now’s your chance to focus on quality over quantity.  Dating apps have always dictated the more the merrier, and many users are often talking to various people at once, continually looking for the next best thing and moving on to another at the first sign of boredom or doubt. In matchmaking and real life, you allow yourself to open up and engage with one person, dive deeper into less superficial conversations, therefore creating stronger connections, to roll with it and see what can come.

Which brings me to my next point if you’re looking for love: the more that you’re not distracted by dating apps usual fast pace, you can see a missed connection for what it is.  Go with what makes you feel comfortable, and just because you know other singles are hopping on the FaceTime/Zoom/phone call/texting bandwagon, doesn’t mean you have to follow suit.

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It’s Time! 3 Reasons to Date in 2022

 

Dating has always allowed you to hit pause and take a break.  But after living thru the last few years of a pandemic which has challenged dating, many of us realize now it’s about so much more.  Matchmakers like me, who work with singles who say they would seriously date someone, are setting the tone.  Dating can be a good catalyst for good and it can even be regenerative for singles.

Knowing what you want, finding smart ways to cut thru all the noise, meeting others who are more ready to find love, generally is on everyone’s mind and a constant with all the singles I speak with these days.  Luckily, Matchmakers have always taken dating seriously and as the world really starts to open up again, here are my 3 reasons to get dating in 2022.

  1. Intentional dating. Elevate the bar, be clear and date with purpose. Know what the heck you’re looking for and seek alignment early (& often); and don’t waste time meeting other singles characterized by finding pleasure in flings and things than staying committed.

 

  1. The great online migration. Anyone who’s ever tried their hand at online dating apps and fallen into the abyss of badly lit selfies, fib heavy profiles and “one word” messages know exactly what I’m talking about.  Dating apps are designed to keep you on the apps- something most don’t have the time or patience for, and singles are looking for alternatives that can help cut through the noise–willing to give matchmaking a shot.

 

  1. Make dating fun again. As matchmakers our MO is to make dating fun again, make it romantic, and turn back your attention to mingling with singles in real life.   Something that is lacking in today’s app-driven dating scene.

 

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Do you have plans for New Year’s?

 

So here we are the beginning of November. Over the last 20 years that I have been matchmaking,  I don’t know of another four weeks when singles lurch forward into new states of mind quite so dramatically and we are busy.

Hoping to see physical manifestations of our hearts desires feels more urgent on these longer November evenings, and before we shift inevitably into the next year, and if your single you get feelings to find somebody to love.  Consider where we were last year at this time.  Vaccine trials, hospitals overwhelmed, borders still closed, November has always been a month of high emotion, whether it’s longing, loss, or memories of closeness.

But come on. Everyone, at one point in their lives needs encouragement along the way and you are no different; without fail our clients hold on to that believing. They let US focus on it and they are enthusiastic to accept meeting potential local love possibilities.

Though patience is a virtue, there is a limit to everyone’s patience. Where are you ?

Happy New Year…this is the year of ….?

 

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I Want You to Meet Someone

It’s an everyday occurrence that we come across a great Single that’s too good not to share!

You might be thinking…. dating ?!?!?  Yet you have likely recognized in your clearest moments that there is a greater possibility for finding love, despite your best efforts. And, like so many of the singles I speak to simply struggle with trying to solve it on their own with no results. But don’t worry.  There is no secret, we only introduce you to great people and we do it everyday for our clients.

This is where this great client living in Victoria BC, comes in.  We have been working with her hand-in-hand and know she is truly a gem.  She is a slim, blue-eyed blonde with a combination of good looks, enthusiasm, and is truly an amazing woman. She exudes a fun demeanor and romantic playfulness; is a wine-lover, foodie, loves live music, handholding and living a balanced, relaxed, healthy life. Her workout clothes are next to her little black dress, and her boots are next to her heels and retired early she makes her home in both Alberta with more time living in Victoria.  She’s a history buff, sees personal investment management as a hobby, and is a strong believer in giving back to her communities.

If you are an active, fit, 60+ gent with an easy laid-back vibe who is more about spending time together enjoying the variety of what a VICTORIA  lifestyle has to offer, sharing adventure, travel, and lively conversations; we can’t imagine your life without her in it.

Contact me here:  [email protected]

Don’t worry; there are no fees

 

As seen in The Times Colonist , Victoria BC ,  Saturday October 2, 2021

 

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Why Dating has always been (very) Political

 

Forget masks, social distancing, or being vaccinated the real issue stopping you meeting the love of your life might just be your politics.

Reporting from the dating frontline, we can attest the politicization of dating is real , especially during an election.  And, according to the clients we work with 50% believe its important to stay informed about politics and that they could not date someone who has strong political opinions that are the opposite of theirs. Good to know!

If politicization means dating results in meaningful moments between people with actual feelings, personal I’m all for it.  However, getting to know someone on a first date should be fun and light-hearted involving banter and flirting and you can learn a lot about someone that doesn’t involve their political identity.

Are you looking for the love of your life and what do you think ?

 

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