Tag Archive for: #janecarstens

Help for Empty Nesting and Dating

I have seen over this last month with the singles I speak to, it can be quite difficult as a parent to adjust to a new home and family dynamic after the kids have moved out or on to university living. They have shared feelings of loneliness and restlessness and it’s important to realize that along with this big change come many possibilities, especially if you are SINGLE.  Rather than an end, this time in your life can be a wonderful new beginning.

It isn’t a bad thing; simply put its time for you to spread your wings.

Connecting with others who are looking for love in the same situation and those you may not have had time for in recent years.  You can start with brushing up on your dating skills, get some new photos, create a great bio and put yourself out there to meeting others for fun, friendship, or romance interests that’s totally new to you.

It’s easy and just a matter of putting forth an intentional effort to “date”.

If you need a little help, contact us [email protected] We are always keen to help. No Strings attached.

 

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Do you get stuck in a negative DATING thought loop- that you can’t get out?

The media & TV, you see, contributes to the failure of many relationship expectations around the world.  Glamorizing and magnifying fairy tales that cause us – women especially- to have unrealistic expectations about how successful romantic relationships are found and maintained and when you think dating becomes a challenging situation it becomes pervasive in your life.

Sometimes the impact is so great that it has virtually obliterated thoughts around dating creating worst case scenarios leaving singles exhausted and sabotaging their own relationship goals that you can’t get out.  How whacked is that?

Fortunately, there are several methods to stop this trouble-making pattern of thought – which over the last 20 years, I got to share with many of my matchmaking clients.  Getting back to traditional ways involving two people who are actually suitable for each other (imagine that) and who, with a little help from extended support often build a successful relationship…..over time.

Let’s be honest, not everyone is prepared for the full matchmaking experience and that’s okay —knowing a thing or two about what works and just having someone there to help can make all the difference.

Email me [email protected]   for a complimentary call and I can tell you more about my new offer, Matchmaker on Demand.

 

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Podcast Announcement – Dating

There is no secret in finding the right partner (we do it everyday)!

Thanks so much to hosts Robin Farrell & Chelsea Smith on their very popular Vancouver Island hosted podcast “Don’t Mind if We Do”.  Come join us. There is always room for one more at their table and we shared a lot of laughs and fun chatting ways on how to take the guesswork out of finding your person in the landscape of todays dating.

 

Need some help or know someone who does?  Send them the link below and have a listen. Episode 9 “Matchmaker Matchmaker…Make me a Match!”

https://podfollow.com/dont-mind-if-we-do/view

 

If you loved it please follow us and share with a friend!

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How to Celebrate Your Birthday by Your Damn Self

I am about to celebrate a birthday.  Which one, I will not tell, but I don’t feel any older, other than just another day where I have to remember to change the digit when people ask how old I am.  But enough about my birthday!

Birthdays are like your own personal national holiday; the one day a year when you’ve gathered the most important people in your life and they celebrate in your honor, and pretty much let you do whatever you want. With today’s restrictions where family is far away, and friends feel distant it makes you feel damn alone and as single as ever.

So, if you think that spending your birthday single is terrifying, here’s a few reasons exactly why you have to do it.

  • You don’t have to stress, it’s the single most selfish day of the year.
  • You’re free to stop and appreciate all the little things you come across on your solo adventure.
  • And being alone leaves you with no option other than to be brave; it will remind you of how naturally it is to be social (no social media) and talk to more people, socially distanced and you never know who you might meet that will turn your birthday from a status of single to taken.

There is no secret to finding the right partner (we do it everyday). In fact, singles have been eager to get back out there just 6 weeks into lockdown and we have had many relationships bloom despite restrictions, in mindful socially distanced ways.  It’s a new chapter you should enter with as much positivity, persistence, patience and clarity as you can.

Happy Birthday!

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As if all the self doubt on a 1st date was not enough.

As if all the self doubt on a 1st date was not enough.  Here are a few quotes that will lead you to where you want to be in finding a partner, all the time telling you to take that leap of faith.  Don’t care or try to think about what they want, worry about yourself today.

“There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” ― Aristotle

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”— Oscar Wilde

“You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” ― Olin Miller

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”— Dr. Seuss

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. “― Suzy Kassem

“Some people say you are going the wrong way, when it’s simply a way of your own.”— Angelina Jolie

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Feel like your Dating Life is Turning to Sh*t !

One of the most powerful things I learned from my clients was that while you are not in control of everything that happens to you, you are in control of the meaning it gives when it comes to dating and finding love.

If you experience life while looking for love with the understanding that you are authoring the story it will allow you to make the brave decisions rather than “seeing what happens” and *reacting* to it. 

When you can conceive that obstacles (like a not so great first date) are not the end, and merely a chapter, it makes them easier to overcome.   Its like knowing you can write the antagonist out of a plot simply by changing the decisions he/she will make, and the storyline will flow.  Realizing you have a choice to make a circumstance either end the principle character or make he/she stronger,  you will start looking for creative ways you can overcome things, rather than questioning if you would.

I am not sure what you are going thru with your dating experiences, my friends, but I just wanted to remind you that you are holding the pen……

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First Dates- They can’t all Lead to Love

Even if you’re pretty sure you’re hitting it off with someone, the signs of a good first date aren’t always easy to recognize,  but it’s a safe bet if you both add extra time to your parking meter 😊

While most people probably define a “good date” as one that leads to more dates down the line, that’s not the only or best way to look at it.  What we like to tell our clients is that it’s totally ok if it doesn’t lead to a second.  Don’t get me wrong it can be disappointing if a first date doesn’t turn into a second, but having a good first date is a self-confidence booster.  It can remind you that it’s fine to go out and have fun with someone interesting, rather than staying home staring at your phone.  They can’t all lead to love, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be good fun!

If you are finding more often than not, a date with the same person doesn’t go past one or two dates, it’s time to manage your expectations and cast a wider net.  Here are some tips to having more fun on first dates;

  1. Instead of auditioning to be partner material, you should just go, have fun and bring the best and happiest version of you to the table.
  2. Don’t take anything personally, and  you shouldn’t let one bad date sour your views towards dating.
  3. Don’t get trapped in the job interview date, they are awkward and high stress.
  4. Try to plan a date that is active in some way – good dates are always interactive.
  5. Take comfort in the idea that everyone is uncomfortable, and that is a learning experience. The more you grow, the better a dater you will be. The better a dater you are, the better the fit will be when you do land the relationship.

Me? I’m an optimist- from the unique moments of my clients connecting.

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Put Winter to Bed – Reset your Love Life!

While the stars are in your favor, the Spring Equinox is the perfect time to shake things up a little – rejuvenate stale relationships, get your love life together, and go on a new dating adventure.

So, make the most of the Spring Equinox with a few tips of inspiration for a new romantic pursuit ;

  • Make it happen!  If you haven’t been on a date in a while , set one up.   If you’ve been feeling discouraged with your dating life, your time off from the dating scene will allow you to jump back in with a new excitement and optimism.
  • Do a different kind of date night. Step outside the regular routine of dinner or bars, and try something totally different.
  • Tell your crush that you like them…. I know this can sometimes feel like the scariest thing in the world – instead of being scared of your fears remember the best-case scenario can happen, too.

In short, take full advantage of the Spring Equinox and remember to give yourself realistic timelines and goals and the time to enjoy it is now.

Bring. It. On!  

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Everybody gets lonely, period!

When I think of Valentine’s Day, (a day for love and togetherness if you are in love), I can’t help but think at the same time that it can be a very trying time for those of us who are Solohood and hate the pressure of Valentine’s Day but love the thought of romance.  

There is widespread assumption that single people are lonely, but it turns out anyone can be lonely, and anyone that is alone , isn’t necessarily  lonely. According to recent studies over half of the population (54% being single) now say they always or sometimes feel alone, and one in five say they rarely feel close to anyone.  So based on this, to be lonely you don’t have to be alone – it’s about the quality of your connections with people, and whether they genuinely relate to you.  

Shockingly, most clients we speak to say that the loneliest they have felt is when they were with someone, but were still lonely.  The UK government has actually developed a Minister for Loneliness , whose purpose is trying to figure out why Brits are lonely and what interventions can smooth that out…….sounds like a lonely job to me! 

Studies also say that the ever-present online activity, single or not, is the main reason why most people feel lonely.  If you’re single,  the more time (can be years for some) you spend swiping left or right, is counterproductive in the dating world. 

Sure, we need vitamins, clean air and connection for our personal well being.  However, if you are Single, take some time to notice how much you need actual connection!  You might find you are not lonely, you’re just alone.

Happy to chat !

Happy to chat !

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How to set a Personal Budget for Dating in 2019

We budget everything in our lives — food,entertainment, travel, and so on.  One thing we don’t tend to think about in terms of savings though, is dating.  When we take somebody out for a night on the town, we tend to want to go all out.  This is especially true if you’ve just met someone and are actively trying to impress them.  After all, if you took someone out on a first date that consisted of McDonald’s paid with a coupon,followed by a Netflix movie at your buddy’s place, are the chances good for a second date?  Maybe not.

However, that doesn’t mean you should spend tons and tons on the dating scene either. If you do, then all your careful budgeting elsewhere goes to waste. Instead, set a monthly budget for dating. Depending on your earnings, this budget can be high or low, though it should realistically never exceed 10% of your monthly income. Stick to this number while still finding ways to have fun, and you’ll earn a reputation for being a fiscally conservative dating machine.

A recent survey has revealed that, in fact, an average date night in Canada clocks in at $125, with those in Vancouver paying the most of all ($149). Globally, however, a date night in Canada is still cheaper than the same date in several other major global cities.

  • Vancouver is the most expensive city in Canada to date in with an average dating costing $149
  • Winnipeg is the country’s cheapest city for a date with a night out setting you back $116
  • Canadian couples are paying $5 more than their global counterparts for a date.
  • The average Canadian date costs $125 while the worldwide average date is $120
  • Toronto is now the 9th most expensive city in the world to date in – shooting up two places in since 2017
  • Oslo is the world’s most expensive city, with $221 needed to cover a night out
  • Istanbul is the world’s cheapest city for a date at just $40 is needed for a romantic night out

In the end , quality over quantity when it comes to dating……and we can help with that!

Contact [email protected]

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