Tag Archive for: #matchmakerforhire

“You Too?”

 

When you first start dating someone, it can be exciting to discover that you have a lot in common.

CS LEWIS says Friendships start with the explicit or implicit statement, “you too?”

You love this painting too, you like this music too, you had the same experience with your parents too.  You see relationships start when there’s two people looking at the same thing and they have it in common…… “you too”. And that’s the beginning of a particular kind of relationship intimacy it brings.

However, it is important to be open-minded and accept differences that aren’t deal-breakers.  Being able to appreciate and respect each other’s unique interests, perspectives and backgrounds can take things to the next level.

 

 

 

/by

The Friendship Approach to Dating

 

In the present dating society, hardly anyone has time to actually even meet someone, let alone find ways to make the process smooth for you and the people you date. It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution but it can provide a strong foundation for a lasting, meaningful relationship.

There are 3 levels of friendship, and if you get stuck at lower levels it’s going to be a problem, especially for your dating life.

  • The lowest level is friendship of transaction. There is nothing wrong with it — it’s just incomplete. If that’s all you have you will be hopelessly lonely.
  • Above that is friendships of beauty, that are based on admiration of another person. You just want to be around them, they’re magnetic, it could be because of their physical beauty, sense of humor, intelligence, or success, but if that beauty goes away, so does the friendship.
  • The friendship that actually brings satisfaction is called the friendship of virtue…. its cosmically beautifully useless……its one where you have the greatest amount of knowledge about each other, because you’re truly interested in each other, your truly known because you truly want to know, and visa versa, you are loving them for them, and they are loving you for you. It is the hardest, thus why it’s virtuous, and the ultimate secret to the happiest life.
/by

Surrender Dating Challenge

I have noticed that for most of the singles I speak to, including me, surrendering is often the hardest thing to do.  And to be realistic, it’s hard to entirely step away from hustle-culture when you are in a life you are passionate about and a romantic relationship you want to progress in.

Well, that hustle-culture has finally hit dating.  And when things are not going the way, we wanted them to, then we give up.  We think that something is wrong with us or the person we’re meant for or the love we are desiring to find, doesn’t exist.

If this is you, imagine this VALENTINE’S DAY to consider your journey to attracting romantic love. It’s like driving, you’re on a journey and when you meet your love you’ll be excited and know that there will be detours along the way (unfavorable dates, no one calling you back, not asking you out on a second or third date, emotionally unavailable singles, etc.) and that you may have to do things differently than you had preferred, and it may take you longer to get to him/her than you expected but eventually you’ll meet and you’ll be so happy that you didn’t give up.

So, decide that from now on if your dating life is unfolding in a certain way and the only reason you are resisting is because of a personal preference, why not let go of that preference and let life be in charge.

I’m confident it’s the most powerful thing that you can do.

/by

Everyone Agrees: Christmas is about Love.

 

It’s almost Christmas time again and, to borrow the words of a famous disco hit in the 70’s “Love is in the air”.   And its a well-known fact that love is “in the air” every Christmas. It features in songs we hear as we shop, commercials we see, and present in the cards we send and the words we write on the tags we attach to the presents we give.  With Love From……

But when you read them phrase by phrase, and apply them to yourself, if you are single, they can transpose into a different key altogether. It can cease to be rhetorically pleasing and emotionally soothing;  instead, they become a deeply challenging analysis of your single life.

Perhaps that’s not what we expected this Christmas time….but when romantic love visits you again, I pray it stays till next Christmas.

 

 

/by

One word: LOVE

                                                                                         

One word:  LOVE —  It’s ingrained in my mind and heart and guides my thinking, everyday.

But for some singles, it can feel like a hard word.  Which can actually be good for you, as it can give cause to stop, pause and think, “Love”.  Even when it’s hard and feels almost unattainable like a pie-in-the-sky kind of emotional crutch,  in your world.

Which is why I’m thankful in knowing in no uncertain terms what love looks like.

Here’s what I have learned;

  • Sometimes love looks like waiting,
  • Sometimes love looks like listening,
  • Sometimes love makes us uncomfortable,
  • Sometimes love is exhausting.

And yet LOVE continues toward the purpose it was given.

 

Can you explain LOVE in one sentence ?

 

/by

We are on the search for a Vancouver Bachelor for our Vancouver Bachelorette.

                                                                     

We are on the search for a Vancouver Bachelor for our Vancouver Bachelorette.

 

Meet Bachelorette B, a fun loving, smart educational professional in her 30’s.  Brimming with positive energy and intellectual curiosity, she enjoys reading, drinking coffee and is active in sailing, cycling, and running on the seawall with her dog.  Bachelorette B is a nurturing woman who loves cooking for her friends. She is funny , kind, adventurous and is a real gem!

 

Her ideal matches are guys 35-45, who are smart, genuinely kind, funny, quirky guys.  She’s very open and wants to fall in love with his brain and would like to have a family. Prefer Vancouver area (but lower mainland ok too).

Interested ?  For more information please DM or email [email protected]

 

 

/by

Believe in True Love? I hope you do!

 

Dating takes resilience.  And the more opportunities you give yourself, the better the chances you’ll find that person.  So maybe its not so surprising and even more encouraging that 90% of the singles I speak to who believe in true love say they know this because they have experienced it.  It’s the strongest emotion we’ll ever feel. So, I set off and researched what professors are saying.  So here you go;

Scientists say that there are three stages of love- lust, romantic obsession, and long-term attachment. 

Stage 1; Let’s start with LUST (who wouldn’t) and that took me to the beach at spring break in Fort Lauderdale….can you relate?

Stage 2; Romantic obsession, or attraction. You’re obsessed, it takes over your whole life, like a state of need, you can’t eat, sleep, or think straight. Sounds like a scene from a movie.  Can’t imagine a world with everyone in that state of romantic obsession. We’d all be nuts.

Stage 3; Which is why, with any luck, romantic obsession becomes Attachment. So, I reconnected with a couple I matched 20 years ago, that was certainly still attached with a combined 4 children, 15 grandchildren, and a couple of great grandchildren.

I came away from this with a renewed sense that true love does really exist. Part of being a matchmaker is, you know, trying to solve the unsolvable. What brings two singles together? What makes people stay together?  I guess there are no real-life answers as there is there is no research on the work that it takes to sustain it over a long period of time. I’m not sure why, maybe because it boring!!!!….like the day in and day out of who’s getting the toilet paper.

 

Your comments?

contact [email protected] 

/by

Aren’t you supposed to learn to like my Quirks?

 

Apparently not.

Most of the singles I meet have had their fair share of down-and-out dating moments.  Dates that end with a follow up text detailing all of your first date faux pas, the list goes on (and on).  So , I have a lot of empathy for all you dating warriors, who keep putting yourselves out there, trying to figure out what the other side wants, striving to be open to, and have enthusiasm for…… I don’t know, falling in LOVE.

All these things start to make me think that perhaps we’ve lost an important virtue on our way to finding a relationship;  HUMILITY.

I’m not talking about letting every bad date be proof of what’s wrong with you or your expectations, but humility is acknowledging that maybe we could do a better job of not being so hung up on ourselves and our non negotiables, and  that we can acknowledge these faults and start getting out of our own way on the path to finding a partner. Sure, we all deserve our own meet-cute, charming moments, that we can forget that we’re all flawed.  That’s the part that makes up beautiful and interesting. And it’s also part of what makes us annoying.

Truth be known, once you take a moment to swallow your pride, you might find how you learn to reconsider your habits in dating—its empowering– and therapeutic in a world where so much nonsense dating behavior is out of your hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

/by

Dating; Our Best is All We Can Do

 

I’ve been pondering the comments and conversations I’ve had from my last weeks blog about the changes in dating habits– so many equally different reactions.

For me, I’ve been watching the full range of feedback of things that singles say and the ways they show up – or don’t, on a date for over 2 decades. That may seem inconsequential, but it’s anything but.  I’ve also come not to believe that singles are good because they showed up well, or bad on a date, because they didn’t. We all have differing capabilities and we’re all carrying personal burdens and its not a test or judgement of your quality as a potential partner or your capacity for finding LOVE.

So even if someone you meet on a date that is acting in ways you don’t particularly like, it’s such a relief to think, “they’re doing their best” without attachments to the outcome.  It will come back as grace for yourself when you inevitably make your own missteps.

There is truth to the fact that our best is all we can do.

 

In closing, think of a date from the past that you replay in your mind, good or bad.  Write about what you did, what you learned from it, and whether the knowledge has changed your actions —or how it might— in dating and finding love .

/by

“She’s the right person, the trade offs are worth it!”

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a great partner all around. Sometimes one has a clear and realistic understanding of love.  One might not.  One might idealize love as the solution to all of their problems.  One might not.

In today’s culture, many of us idealize love and see it as some lofty cure-all for all life’s problems and as a result we pay a price in the process of finding it. Healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions  and that success hinges on deeper more important values.

When I started working with Single Dad CJ in his 40’s, with his quest for a partner, he not only used his heart, but his mind.  Sure, he wanted to find someone who makes his  heart flutter, but he was able to evaluate his dates values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and moral compass in general.  His theory if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you ….well, you’re going to have a bad time.  And he was able to think outside of himself and his own needs and to help care for another person and their needs as well.

Were the trade offs worth it?

“Hell yes, I love her to bits, and we are talking long term plans. I really can’t ask for anything more at this point” .  

/by