Tag Archive for: #okcupid

Take Me Home for the Holidays

 

If you have been dating someone new for a while now, and your relationship is getting serious as the holidays approach–so you ask–they agree–you suddenly PANIC!

Meeting the parents is a nerve-wracking experience for everyone, but it also means your relationship is going great!  While you are thrilled to be in love and share the holidays, its normal to feel hesitant thinking about all the family dynamics, quirks and history shared back at home.

Before you go try to remember:

  • Your family will be thrilled to see you and they are likely also just as excited, nervous, and somewhat cautious.
  • If your family members don’t react to your new love the way you had expected, try to cut them some slack.
  • Ease up on expectations, prep your partner and family as much as you can ahead of time and relax into the season with those you love.

 

Do you have a holiday dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

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What do you Vet in the Dating Process?

 

Too many people see dating as an endgame, in which they must score their goal of finding a partner as fast as possible and getting frustrated in the process.

Have the self-confidence to listen and learn while also having companionship, recreation, and entertainment. Going to dinner, a movie, or even for a walk with a person gives you a window into another person’s view of life, his/her background, and experiences. Too much focus on whether this person is “The One” and how he/she is reacting to you will inevitably keep you single.

Lately, many of the singles I speak to are dating A LOT leaving less than 5% of those dates with any real potential connection and they are more than ready to step up the quality of their dates over the quantity.

Be very choosy.  Love may come, but meanwhile, you can still have a lot of great dates with people who are interesting, fun, or both.

 

 

 

Do you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below.

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Real People looking for Real Relationships

It’s never been easier to meet someone online but landing a real date in a traditional setting feels like fishing in the Dead Sea; IMPOSSIBLE.  With life online an ever-present reality, MATCHMAKING still is one of the best ways to date.  The best part? It actually works.

So, what gives matchmaking the secret sauce ? It has to do with the in person sign-up process, questions are practical, allowing you to be picky with your preferences based on actual date feedback and we’re not afraid to set up dates for you to meet in person quickly which helps you open up earlier than you normally would. I have been matchmaking for over 20 years, helping  daters spanning all age groups find long-term relationships, not to mention perfecting our strategy over the years and most of our clients are dating someone within six months.

If you really want to meet someone, you need to reach out to us. [email protected] 

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Rethinking Dating

 

The vast array of dating apps has skewed our sense on the real-world of dating by dangling the prospect of another better match, based on a perception of algorithmic decisions,  merely a swipe away. The forced isolation of the pandemic, and the attempts that many people made to work around it, has put an unexpected lens on modern-day intimacy. It’s become a natural part of dating and seeking a partner.  Sound familiar?  What I have noticed from the new clients I meet is that they have had a hard time believing there is someone out there.

 “Just as I have resigned to enjoying my own company and not concerning myself with a need to be partnered, you come along and give me a pat on the back. You sure know how to perk a guy up ;)”….client quote

Relationships take a leap of faith and work.  I know personally how tough it is to allow yourself to be vulnerable this time around. Know you are older and smarter than before. And if you need someone to support and help you give yourself the best chance of finding love, then let’s schedule a time to talk.

If you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us, tell us in the comments section below.

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A Single Father in Love, Again

 

Single parents, Dad, or Mom, navigate “dating” again with some history under their belts.

Kids and some requirements for what’s OK and what they simply won’t ever do again. The rules are very different, and the experience gives them some distinct advantages in terms of recognizing what they don’t want and are willing to wait enthusiastically. But don’t worry, even though the single parents I speak to might have a couple of kids, and a full-time job, they still like to find time to be with someone.

There are never any hard rules, but here are a few basic points single fathers talk about;

  • I don’t want a “date.” I don’t want nice. I want my next relationship to start out with the potential going the long distance. I’ve never been a casual dater. And asking someone out on a date is nerve-wracking. Let’s hook up, wait, I mean, let’s go out on a date.
  • If you have kids, we’ve got an immediate starting point for everything. Trying to talk about your kids with a woman who’s not a mom… Well, they just don’t get it.
  • Games of any kind are an immediate timeout. One thing I will tell a first date is, “You can ask me anything. In fact, I prefer the hard questions. I’m trying to learn the answers myself. I will always try to answer honestly.
  • It may take several months to get in our first four dates, but… Like I said earlier, we shouldn’t be in a hurry.
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Love Isn’t a Feeling, It’s A Choice

Most singles believe that LOVE is like a light switch where something flicks on, you get an overwhelming sensation, it hits you like a bag of bricks- or cupid’s arrow. It’s when you know that you’ve found the one, right? NOT SO MUCH!

I’ve learned over the past 20 years working with singles that LOVE, in reality, is a series of choices. The choices are based on many factors, including chemistry, values, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want or need etc. Believe me, the lists are endless, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the person. Based on these factors, and the feedback I get back from the couples I set up on first dates they either choose to begin the process to LOVE or not, in that moment. Simply put, we are left with a choice. That is why it’s so difficult. Love requires you to do something. It might mean putting your everchanging, incredibly unpredictable, and extremely unstable wants and emotions aside. If love were simply an emotion, it’d do you no good.

Everyone is worthy of connection. Make it a priority to embrace connecting with others in your dating life in a healthy way. It will become another tool in your pocket for the next time around.

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If you’re Skeptical, you’re Missing Out.

 

You miss out 100% on the chances you don’t take. Wayne Gretzky appears to be the earliest attributed source of this particular expression.  It makes sense when you have a goal or a dream, but you don’t take a shot at it, you miss the opportunity to score, to win, or to get what you want.

In dating, despite what singles tell themselves, there really are endless opportunities to find love. Unfortunately , too often they’re missed. In fact, if you ask any Matchmaker today, its precisely because of such lost opportunities and missed connections with singles, that is giving cause to look back and wonder “what if”.  Maybe you just don’t want to—while they have every quality you could ever want in someone, there is value in reflecting a little bit on what exactly was missing.

Moral of the story; As I write this, I regularly wonder of the potential missed connections singles are making. Plain and simple, if you’re skeptical, you’re missing out.

Take a chance—open up to possibility by making yourself available.  You Never know!

 

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Getting Matchy-Matchy

It’s a fact we tend to want to fit in with the person we are dating. Sure, we are all unique, but we want to, as a couple, look untied and as if we “fit”.

You confirm to the environment that you’re in – so it’s only natural that when you’re dating someone, even automatically without knowing – you will start to change your style even a bit so that you blend in with them. Its generally not until you look back at old photos or someone makes a comment that you will realize, they’ve actually taken place.

You’re attracted to your partner for a reason and by being in a relationship with them you’re indirectly saying, “I like the way you do things”.  This isn’t restricted to just the wardrobe either.  If your partner is hell bent on curling chances are you’ve given it a go yourself, or at least watched a couple of games. Same goes in the kitchen, you might be great at cooking Asian, so your partner will probably take on some of your techniques.

But by all means if it gets to the point where you have lost your sense of identity, then you have to wonder whether you are taking on theses attributes because you’re a really great couple, or because you want so desperately for the relationship to work.

After all nobody wants to date themselves, that would be boring.

Can you relate?

 

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Everyone Makes Mistakes in Dating

 

How many of you can honestly say they haven’t made a few mistakes when they meet someone new?  Sometimes good people make bad choices.  It doesn’t mean they are bad….it means they are human. You learn from them and go on because a mistake is one thing. A pattern is another.

There are loads of reasons why getting to a 2nd date might not work out. Perhaps you’re just plain old incompatible, or you’re not sure how to avoid falling foul of these oh-so-frequent behaviours we hear from the 1st dates we set up with our clients.

  • Idealizing your date-Do you actually like them, or are you projecting some dreamed-up version of a perfect match? Putting someone on a pedestal is setting them up for failure. No one can live up to an imagined list.
  • Following your Hormones not your heart–We get it-it’s been a long few years of lockdown and you’re feeling frisky, but don’t dive into intimacy too quickly. Hormones and attachment patterns get us in hook, line, and sinker, almost instantly- whether this is a suitable person or not.
  • Failing to see their flaws-This ties in with the first 2 pitfalls- Ask yourself: are you seeing this person through rose-tinted, loved-up glasses? It’s all too easy to fail to check out ( we don’t mean their social media ) if the person is who they say they are and what they want.

We all learn from our ‘mistakes”, sometimes a very painful lesson, especially in dating.

But others judging is their “mistake”.

Do you have a story to share?

 

#findlove  #datingadvice #datingtips #datingcoach #relationshipadvice #okcupid #dating101 #stayconnected #singlestatus #onlinedating #matchmaking #matchmakerforhire #janecarstens  #matchmakervancouver #vancouvermatchmaker

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